The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy
by Jenni Piech
Summary: *UPDATED* New episode up! "So Ends a Very English Quest" Hoorah!
1. The boy that couldn't shut up

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : THE BOY THAT COULDN'T SHUT UP  
  
Super Snape: It's almost 10 o'clock Malfoy boy !! Admiral Important will be here any minute with this weeks special and highly important task.  
  
Malfoy boy: I hope it's better than last weeks task......i still don't understand why Hagrid couldn't've cleaned up all that Unicorn manure...... .  
  
Suddenly there was a knock on the door....  
  
Super Snape: Oh...he's here! Does my hair look okay?  
  
Malfoy boy: *rolls eyes* Yes, you look fine....  
  
Super Snape opens the door and Admiral Important walks in......  
  
Super Snape: Good morning Admiral, did you have a nice breakfast?  
  
Admiral Important: No i did not ! The porridge was disgustingly lumpy, frankly, it looked like vomit.  
  
Super Snape: Oh...well.....  
  
Malfoy boy: So what's this weeks task Admiral?  
  
Admiral Important: You know that Weasley boy?  
  
Super Snape: Which one? There's been so many...  
  
Admiral Important: Oh...what's his name....  
  
Malfoy boy: Ron?  
  
Admiral Important: Yes, yes, that's the one. Anyway, someone has put a spell on him.....  
  
Malfoy boy: What kind of spell?  
  
Admiral Important: I was just about to get to that, if you don't mind...  
  
Admiral Important hits Malfoy boy over the head. Super Snape tries not to laugh.  
  
Admiral important: Anyway, as i was saying....., the spell, i can't remember what it's called, but it's made poor old Ron unable to stop talking. I want you both to go and find him, and do something about it...  
  
Super Snape: If you don't mind me saying Admiral, thats not a very goo.....  
  
Admiral Important: Well i do mind...  
  
Admiral Important pushes Super Snape and Malfoy boy out of the door....  
  
Admiral Important: And don't come back until you've shut Weasley up !  
  
Super Snape and Malfoy boy make their way to the Great Hall, and find Ron sitting in his usual seat....  
  
Super Snape: Ron ! Never fear, Super Snape and Malfoy boy are here...  
  
Ron: Oh wow! That makes me feel a whole lot better. You took your sweet time getting here didn't you? I've been waiting here for ages. Everyone else has gone, they said something about me being annoying and not shutting up. It's not my fault, it's a spell. You just gunna stand there or something? Help me! Thats what you're paid for...  
  
Super Snape: Actually, i don't get paid any extra for doing this...  
  
Malfoy boy: And i don't get paid at all...  
  
Ron: Okay, okay, i didn't ask for your life story. God, Snape, your hair looks terrible today! Ever heard of a comb? And Malfoy, you don't look much better yourself....  
  
Malfoy boy: Quick, let's shut him up! He's comparing me to you.....  
  
Super Snape: But i don't know how to shut him up....  
  
Ron: You're not very good at this are you, in fact, you're crap. We should get some new super heros. I think i'd make a pretty good super hero...  
  
Malfoy boy: Let's just knock him out!  
  
Super Snape: Alright...  
  
Super Snape wacks Ron over the head with a large plank of wood, which just suddenly appeared from out of nowhere....  
  
Super Snape: There, that did the trick.  
  
Malfoy boy: Our work here is done....  
  
Super Snape and Malfoy boy walk out of the Hall, looking very pleased with themselves, and Ron is left unconcious on the floor. Suddenly Professor Lupin comes along and trips over Ron. He falls to the ground, and hurts his face. He raises a fist in a menacing way....  
  
Lupin: I'll get you for this Super Snape and Malfoy boy....  
  
TO BE CONTINUED..........? 


	2. The new bad guy in town

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : THE NEW BAD GUY IN TOWN  
  
Malfoy boy: Ow ow ow ow ow...  
  
Super Snape: Hold.... still.....  
  
Malfoy boy: oooooo, it hurts, it hurts !  
  
Super Snape: Hold still and stop being such a wimp !  
  
Malfoy boy: oooo oooo hooooo oooo ooo  
  
Super Snape: There....it was just an eye lash...  
  
Malfoy boy: Well, i have very sensitive eyes....  
  
Super Snape: *rolls eyes* Right, okay....  
  
Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door....  
  
Super Snape: I wonder who that could be...  
  
Malfoy boy: It won't be Admiral Important, he came only yesterday....  
  
Super Snape slowly reaches for the door, but it swings open before he reaches the door handle......  
  
Super Snape: Gasp !  
  
Malfoy boy: Double gasp !  
  
Mysterious figure in the doorway: Yes, that's right ! It's your new arch- enemy, Lupin Lad!  
  
Super Snape and Malfoy boy burst into laughter.....  
  
Lupin Lad: You may laugh now, but you won't be laughing when....i've....done something bad !!!  
  
Super Snape: Remus, why are you wearing that stupid mask?  
  
Lupin Lad: It's to add to the mystery, you prat !! Plus i have a huge bruise on my forehead, thanks to you two !!  
  
Malfoy boy: Lupin Lad?? What a dumb name....  
  
Lupin Lad: Well Malfoy boy isn't any better !  
  
Malfoy boy suddenly goes quiet...  
  
Super Snape: What do you want anyway Remus?  
  
Lupin Lad: It's Lupin Lad !! The name's Lupin Lad !!  
  
Super Snape: Okay, okay. What did you want Lupin Lad?  
  
Lupin Lad: I wanted to do this....  
  
Lupin Lad pulls two eggs from his robe pockets and throws one in Super Snapes face and one in Malfoy boys. He then sprints down the corridor shouting "And there's plenty more where that came from.....".  
  
Super Snape: Damn that Lupin Lad !! He won't get away with this !!  
  
Malfoy boy: Shall we tell Admiral Important?  
  
Super Snape: Yes Malfoy boy, yes we shall.  
  
The next day:  
  
Malfoy boy: ....And then he threw the eggs in our faces !  
  
Admiral Important: Hmmm, i see.  
  
Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door...  
  
Admiral Important: I'll get that.  
  
Admiral Important opens the door...  
  
Lupin Lad: Eep ! Admiral Important ! I was just.....just...  
  
Admiral Important: You were just what? Going to throw an.... EGG AT ME ?  
  
Lupin Lad: No, no ,no ,no ,no...i was going to throw this balloon that's full of porridge at you.  
  
Lupin Lad throws the balloon and sprints down the corridor shouting "And there's plenty more where that came from....".  
  
Admiral Important closes the door. His face is dripping with lumpy porridge.  
  
Admiral Important: He is truly evil......  
  
Super Snape: We must do something before this gets out of hand.  
  
Admiral Important: We must indeed Super Snape, we must indeed.....  
  
Will Super Snape and Malfoy boy be able to stop Lupin Lad? Will Admiral Important be able to clean the lumpy porridge from his beard?  
  
Find out in the next installment off :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	3. The wonderful amazing super duper Lupin ...

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : THE WONDERFUL AMAZING SUPER DUPER LUPIN LAD CATCHER  
  
Super Snape: Our Lupin Lad catcher is complete!  
  
Malfoy boy: At last !  
  
Super Snape and Malfoy boy stand back and admire their Lupin Lad catcher... Then suddenly theres a knock at the door.  
  
Super Snape: That must be the admiral......COME IN.  
  
The door opens and in walks Admiral Important....  
  
Admiral Important: Have you finished the Lupin Lad catch......Why is Harry standing there dressed in camouflage clothing and holding a butterfly catchers net?  
  
Super Snape: It's our Lupin Lad catcher, Admiral.  
  
Admiral Important: You expect Harry to able to catch Lupin Lad with a net ?!  
  
Malfoy boy: Don't underestimate him Admiral, he's quicker than he looks....  
  
Harry: I don't even want to do this ! They kidnapped me from Herbology! They kidnapped me with this very net i'm holding now. *Shakes the net in the air*.  
  
Admiral Important: Is this true?  
  
Super Snape: Well....you see....we  
  
Malfoy boy: Kidnapped is such an ugly word.....  
  
Admiral Important: *rolls eyes* Just make sure he doesn't get hurt, okay?  
  
Admiral Important leaves the room, and closes the door behind him....  
  
LATER THAT DAY  
  
Malfoy boy: Look ! There he is ! Go get him Harry !  
  
Harry runs down the corridor after Lupin Lad, who has just appeared from around a corner.  
  
Lupin Lad: You'll never catch me ! NEVER !  
  
Harry: Not with this stupid net i won't...  
  
Harry throws down the net, and continues running after Lupin Lad...  
  
Malfoy boy: What's he doing ?! He doesn't stand a chance without that net.  
  
Harry jumps onto Lupin Lad, bringing him to the ground. Lupin Lad struggles with all his might, but Harry is somehow too strong for him. Malfoy boy and Super Snape come running up to capture Lupin Lad.  
  
Lupin Lad: Get off of me !!  
  
Super Snape: We're taking you straight to Admiral Important !!  
  
Lupin Lad: Nooooooo....  
  
TEN MINUTES LATER  
  
Admiral Important: Well done Harry !  
  
Super Snape/ Malfoy boy: We helped too !!  
  
Admiral Important ignores Super Snape and Malfoy boys moaning, and awards Harry with a lovely shiny medal.  
  
Harry: Wow ! Thanks Admiral !  
  
Harry and Admiral Important leave the top secret headquarters....  
  
Super Snape: Harry got all the credit for capturing Lupin Lad !!  
  
Malfoy boy: That is SOOOO unfair.  
  
Super Snape: We must seek revenge !!  
  
Malfoy boy: MWAHAHAHAHAAA !  
  
Super Snape: Mwahahahaha indeed Malfoy boy....  
  
What evil plan of revenge do Super Snape and Malfoy boy have planned for Harry? Why did they even choose Harry for their Lupin Lad catcher anyway?  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	4. Mmmm revenge

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "MMMMM REVENGE"  
  
Malfoy boy: ....and then we put the poo in his shoe....  
  
Super Snape: No, too messy...  
  
Malfoy boy: Well YOU come up with a revenge plan then. I've been coming up with loads of ideas, and you've just sat there listening to Lionel Ritchie..  
  
Suddenly (yes, you've guessed it) there was a loud knock on the door. Super Snape goes over and opens the door.  
  
Super Snape: Hello? Is it me you're looking for?  
  
Harry: I've heard you and Malfoy boy have been planning to play a trick on me sometime soon....  
  
Malfoy boy: Yes? So? Your point is ?  
  
Harry: Get em boys....  
  
Suddenly, Ron, Neville, Seamus, Dean, Fred and George appear from the sides of the doorway, and run into the top secret headquarters....  
  
FIVE MINUTES LATER...  
  
Super Snape and Malfoy boy are on the floor. They're tied up and gagged.  
  
Super Snape: mmmmph  
  
Malfoy boy: mmmmph mmph  
  
Harry: That'll teach you for plotting against ME. Well done boys, lets go....  
  
Harry, Ron, Neville, Seamus, Dean, Fred and George walk out of the room laughing...  
  
Suddenly there's a knock on the door...  
  
Super Snape: MMMMMPH !  
  
Malfoy boy: MMMMMPH MMMMPH !  
  
The door slowly opens....  
  
Lupin Lad: Helloooo? Is anyone in here....hahahahahahahahaa ! Look at you two !  
  
Lupin Lad un-gags them, but leaves them tied up...  
  
Malfoy boy: Well? Are you going to un-tie us?  
  
Lupin Lad: No way ! This is too sweet !  
  
Super Snape: Un-tie us now ! Or we'll...  
  
Lupin Lad: Or you'll what? Roll over me?  
  
Malfoy boy: What's that box in your hand?  
  
Lupin Lad: Oh this? *looks at box* These are chocolates......your favourite actually. I just bought them as a little peace offering. I know how much you both like them. I think i'll just put them right....here...  
  
Lupin Lad places the box of chocolates on the floor, just out of Super Snape and Malfoy boys reach...  
  
Super Snape: You fiend ! This is so cruel....  
  
Lupin Lad: Thankyou ! I was planning on trying to be your friends, but torturing you is just SO much more fun!  
  
Lupin Lad takes a chocolate out of the box and waves it in Super Snape and Malfoy boys faces. Then he eats it...  
  
Lupin Lad: Mmmmm yummy!  
  
He then skips out of the room......  
  
Malfoy boy: Why does stuff like this always happen to US ?  
  
Super Snape: I don't know....  
  
Malfoy boy: I don't wanna be your sidekick anymore Super Snape....  
  
Super Snape: WHAT ?!  
  
Malfoy boy: I said, i don't wanna be.....  
  
Super Snape: I heard what you said, i just said "WHAT?!" as an exclaimation of my surprise...  
  
Malfoy boy: Oh right, okay.....  
  
Does Malfoy boy really mean what he just said? Will Super Snape be able to find a new sidekick?  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	5. The brand spanking new sidekick

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "THE BRAND SPANKING NEW SIDEKICK"  
  
The next day, Super Snape is frantically looking around the great hall, trying to find a new sidekick...  
  
Super Snape: "Hey kid, wanna be my new sidekick? / Hey kid, you like candy right? Well you can have some if you become my new sidekick / Hey Potter ! Wanna be my new.....hey wait... / Yo Mcgonagall, wanna be my new sidekick? / Hey kid, i'll pay you ! / Don't you run away from me... / etc, etc.  
  
After a hard day of new-sidekick-hunting, Super Snape sat down at his desk in the top secret HQ.  
  
Super Snape: What am i going to do? God, i miss Malfoy boy. I miss the way he would trip over, and then i'd laugh. I miss the way i used to blame him for things he hadn't done. I miss the way i used to hit him with my hitting stick....  
  
Suddenly there was a knock on the door...  
  
Super Snape: Hmmm, what could this be?  
  
Sat outside the door was a large box. Super Snape noticed that there was a little gift tag taped to the box....  
  
Super Snape: "Dear Super Snape, i'm sorry i just left you without a sidekick. Hopefully, this should make up for it. From your good friend, Malfoy boy". Hmmm, what could it be?  
  
Suddenly a coughing noise came from the box.  
  
Super Snape quickly opened the box to see what was inside....  
  
Super Snape: Longbottom?! What the jiggins are you doing in there?  
  
Neville: I....i...Malfoy boy put me in here. He...he said i could be your n..new sidekick.  
  
Super Snape: Why would anyone want YOU as a sidekick?  
  
Neville stared at Super Snape blankly.  
  
Super Snape: Well....i suppose you better come in....  
  
5 MINUTES LATER  
  
Super Snape: So...have you thought of a name for yourself?  
  
Neville: What about....Neville guy?  
  
Super Snape: IS THAT THE BEST YOU COULD COME UP WITH?!  
  
Neville: Well....i.....can't really......why don't you....  
  
Super Snape: Yes, i better think of one. What about....Longbottom boy? no no, thats stupid...how about...The incredible Dunderhead *chuckles to himself*. No.....er...  
  
10 MINUTES LATER  
  
Super Snape: *sighs* Come along Mr Mysterious, let's go fight crime..  
  
Mr Mysterious: Ye..yes Sir.  
  
Super Snape and Mr Mysterious stroll down the corridor. Eventually they end up in the Great Hall. Everyone is sat at the house tables, doing homework, chatting, etc, etc.  
  
Harry: Hey Neville, what are you doing?  
  
Mr Mysterious: I'm Mr Mysterious now !  
  
Harry: You what?  
  
Mr Mysterious: Mr.Mysterious. I'm Snapes new sidekick...  
  
Harry: No you're not ! Come and sit with us..  
  
Mr Mysterious: Okay..  
  
Super Snape grabs Mr Mysterious by the shoulder.  
  
Super Snape: What do you think you're doing??  
  
Mr Mysterious: I..i quit. I don't w..want to be your.sidekick.  
  
Super Snape: But..  
  
Mr Mysterious walks over to Harry, Ron, Seamus and Dean.  
  
Super Snape: Okay.just remain calm..breath in...breath out..breath in... Oh who am I kidding ?!! I want Malfoy boy back !!!!!!!  
  
Super Snape runs from the Hall crying. As he runs towards the secret HQ, he bumps into Lupin Lad.  
  
Lupin Lad: Ha ha..you're crying ! *points*  
  
Super Snape: *sniff* Well *sniff* duh !  
  
Lupin Lad: Well.why are you crying?  
  
Super Snape: Because *sniff* I miss Malfoy boy !  
  
Lupin Lad : *tries not to laugh* Well, why don't I be your side kick?  
  
Super Snape: *stops crying* You what !?  
  
Lupin Lad: I'll be your sidekick !! It'll be fun !! C'mon sevvie.  
  
Super Snape: Don't ever call me that again !!  
  
Lupin Lad: Alright! So how about it ?  
  
Super Snape: I don't know..  
  
Lupin Lad: *grins*  
  
Super Snape: Oh fine then !! But you'll have to do what I tell you to.  
  
Lupin Lad: That's fine with me.  
  
Has Lupin Lad really changed his ways? What is Malfoy boy going to do with all his spare time? How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood ?  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	6. Amazing Spoons

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "AMAZING SPOONS"  
  
Lupin Lad: Is it always this much fun being your sidekick?  
  
Super Snape *glares* Well you don't have to be my sidekick, you were the one that offered, if you want to leave, THERE'S THE DOOR *points*  
  
Lupin Lad: Okay *gets up*  
  
Super Snape: Please don't go !  
  
Lupin Lad: Well let's do something then! I'm bored!  
  
Super Snape: *thinks* I know! Let's play scrabble !!  
  
10 minutes later  
  
Super Snape: *looks at the scrabble board, then at his letters*  
  
Lupin Lad: Come on Sevvie !!  
  
Super Snape: *glares*  
  
Lupin Lad: Why do you have to take so long?!  
  
Super Snape: Because i like to think of decent words, unlike you !  
  
Lupin Lad: What's wrong with my words? Fart's a word, so is poo.....  
  
Super Snape: Yes, but....  
  
Suddenly there's a knock at the door.  
  
Lupin Lad: I'll get it !!  
  
Lupin Lad jumps up from his chair, then trips over. Super Snape gets up, walks over him and answers the door.  
  
Super Snape: Admiral! What a pleasant surprise!  
  
Admiral Important: I have an urgent job for you and....Lupin Lad?!  
  
Lupin Lad: Yes it is I ! *stands up* Luuuuupin Lad.  
  
Admiral Important: What's he doing here?  
  
Super Snape: He's my new sidekick.  
  
Admiral Important: *sighs* Fine. Anyway, someone has stolen Dumbledores spoon collection. You must track down the culprit.  
  
Lupin Lad: Not Dumbledores SPOOOOOOONS ?!  
  
Admiral Important: Yes, his spoons.  
  
Lupin Lad: Not the SPOOOOONS ?!  
  
Admiral Important: Shut up !!  
  
Lupin Lad: But...SPOOOOONS.  
  
Super Snape: Come on Lupin Lad, let's go and retrieve the spoons!  
  
Lupin Lad: No, no, not spoons...it's SPOOOONS.  
  
Super Snape: *rolls eyes* Let's go and retrieve the SPOOOONS.  
  
Lupin Lad: *jumps and claps his hands* Oh yes, lets!  
  
Super Snape and Lupin Lad make their way down to the Great Hall in search for Dumbledores spoons. When they get there, everyone is finishing off their dinner, and starting their desserts.  
  
Lupin Lad: Good lord !  
  
Super Snape: What? What is it??  
  
Lupin Lad: *points* They all have.... SPOOOOONS.  
  
Super Snape: It's because they have ice cream for dessert.....  
  
Lupin Lad rushes up to everyone and snatches their SPOOOOONS.  
  
Harry: Hey!  
  
Ron: What the...  
  
Hermione: How odd !  
  
Neville: Hey..g..give that back!  
  
Seamus: You bloody freak!! Gimme back me spoon !!  
  
Lupin Lad: Little thieves! All of you!! You disgust even me !!  
  
Super Snape: Lupin Lad! Give the children back their SPOOOOOOONS !  
  
Lupin Lad: But i thought...they stole....  
  
Super Snape: They're not Dumbledores spoons.  
  
Lupin Lad: Oh...well, in that case *throws spoons in all directions, hitting helpless children in the head* Heres your spoons back kids!! Enjoy!  
  
Suddenly Super Snape and Lupin Lad hear shouting from the other end of the Hall.  
  
Malfoy boy: I found them!! Dumbledores stolen SPOOOOONS!!  
  
Super Snape and Lupin Lad run over to Malfoy boy.  
  
Malfoy boy: Look! Look! Here they are! Such amazing spoons....  
  
Super Snape: ooooh  
  
Lupin Lad: ahhhhh  
  
Super Snape: They're so beautiful....  
  
Lupin Lad: I can.......SEE MYSELF!!  
  
Lupin Lad grabs a spoon and stares at his reflection.  
  
Super Snape: Thankyou Malfoy boy.  
  
Malfoy boy: No problem....it's...oh! *starts crying*  
  
Super Snape: What's wrong Malfoy boy?  
  
Malfoy boy: I...*sniff* miss you !  
  
Super Snape: I miss you too !!  
  
Malfoy boy: Will you take me back as your sidekick??  
  
Super Snape: Of course i will you stupid boy, look at who replaced you!  
  
They both look at Lupin Lad who is still looking into the spoon.  
  
Malfoy boy: Yay !!! *hugs Super Snape*  
  
Admiral Important comes along.  
  
Admiral Important: Well done, well done !! You found the amazing spoons. Wherever did you find them?  
  
Malfoy boy: Goyle was hiding them under his robes.  
  
Admiral Important: What were you doing looking under Goyles robes?  
  
Malfoy boy: *laughs nervously* erm....  
  
Why was Malfoy boy looking under Goyles robes? When will Lupin Lad put down the spoon and find out that he is no longer Super Snapes sidekick? Why does Dumbledore have a spoon collection anyhoo?  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	7. The kidnapping of Philip

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "THE KIDNAPPING OF PHILIP"  
  
After a week of uneventfulness, Super Snape and his faithful sidekick, Malfoy boy go out in search of trouble.  
  
Malfoy boy: Yeah, you better run away!  
  
Harry: I'm not running! I'm still right in front of you!  
  
Malfoy boy: Well....you should be!!  
  
Harry: Should be what?!  
  
Malfoy boy: You....should....ergh! You're no fun!  
  
Malfoy boy storms off to find Super Snape.  
  
Super Snape: And another thing, you smell !!  
  
Malfoy boy: Er...Sir? Why are you shouting at Mrs Norris?  
  
Mrs Norris: *meow* *walks off*  
  
Super Snape: Stupid cat! I sure showed her!!  
  
Malfoy boy: Erm...Well done. Sir, we haven't had any special and highly important tasks for over a week! The most interesting thing we've done lately was when we cooked those biscuits for Mcgonagall, and she got food poisoning, and we blamed it on the Weasley twins.  
  
Super Snape: Yeah, that was great.  
  
Malfoy boy: But it wasn't highly special and important !  
  
Super Snape: I suppose you're right....  
  
Just then, someone taps Super Snape on the shoulder. Super Snape turns around.  
  
Super Snape: Granger? Weasley? What do you want?  
  
Malfoy boy: Yeah, hmmmm?  
  
Hermione: I, Brain Queen, and my sidekicky friend person, Weasel Kid...  
  
Ron: Hermione! We've discussed this! I'm Ronder boy, ya know, coz it sounds like wonder boy...  
  
Brain Queen: Oh don't be silly, you're Weasel Kid!  
  
Weasel Kid folds his arms and scowls.  
  
Brain Queen: Anyway, as i was saying, we have come to announce that we have kidnapped the Slytherin mascot and....  
  
Malfoy boy: We have a mascot?  
  
Super Snape: Yeah....that stuffed toy snake, Philip.  
  
Malfoy boy: *stares for a moment, then suddenly remembers* You...stole...Philip!?!?? You...you...  
  
Brain Queen: Shut up and let me finish! Yes, we've stolen Philip, and we're not going to give him back until you....  
  
Lupin Lad storms up the corridor behind Super Snape.  
  
Lupin Lad: Hey, you! Malfoy boy! You homewreaker you!  
  
Malfoy boy: Eh?  
  
Lupin Lad: Since when have you been Sevvies sidekick again?  
  
Malfoy boy: Since last week, you retard!  
  
Lupin Lad: Oh! Nice! You could've at least told me about it!  
  
Super Snape: I did!! Many times!! Have you only just put that spoon down??  
  
Lupin Lad: Yes. But thats beside the point!!  
  
Brain Queen: WILL EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP!!  
  
Everyone falls silent.  
  
Brain Queen: *Ahem* Thankyou. We will only return Philip, when you give Edward back to the Gryffindors.  
  
Super Snape: Edward?  
  
Lupin Lad: Scissorhands??  
  
Malfoy boy: Who the hell's Edward??  
  
Brain Queen: Edward is our mascot.  
  
Malfoy boy: We don't have your stinking mascot !!!!!  
  
Lupin Lad: So you WEREN'T talking about Edward Scissorhands then?  
  
Everyone: NO !  
  
Lupin Lad: Geez! Keep your knickers on! I'm going, i heard that Harry, Fred and George are having a farting competition! *skips off*.  
  
Everyone is lost for words.  
  
Malfoy boy:....erm....oh yeah !! We don't have Edward!  
  
Brain Queen: Well someone does, and we want him back. Right Weasel Kid?  
  
Weasel Kid: Yeah, right......whatever......  
  
Super Snape: We'll find Edward and give him back to you as soon as we can, okay?  
  
Brain Queen: You have until six this evening.  
  
Malfoy boy: That's only 4 hours !!!  
  
Brain Queen: Deal with it. Come on Weasel Kid, let's go.  
  
3 hours later:  
  
Malfoy boy: We only have an hour left!  
  
Super Snape: Maybe we shouldn't have spent two hours on that pillow fight with Lupin Lad.  
  
Malfoy boy: *shrugs* Maybe....but we did win these smarties!  
  
Super Snape: Okay, where should we start looking for Edward?  
  
Malfoy boy: I could ask Goyle, he seems to have alot of stuff hidden in his robes.  
  
Super Snape: Like Dumbledores amazing SPOOOONS.  
  
Malfoy boy: He also has that romance novel that you lost.  
  
Super Snape: Well get that back too!  
  
Half an hour later:  
  
Malfoy boy: He doesn't have it !!  
  
Super Snape: What ?!  
  
Malfoy boy: And he let Lupin Lad borrow your romance novel.  
  
Super Snape: *folds arms* Today totally sucks!  
  
Malfoy boy: What are we gunna do????  
  
Malfoy boy reaches into his pocket and finds the tube of Smarties he won from Lupin Lad.  
  
Malfoy boy: Hang on a sec....Smarties !!  
  
Super Snape: Huh?  
  
Malfoy boy: Smarties!!! Smarties have the answer!!!!!  
  
Super Snape: What?  
  
Malfoy boy: Remember those adverts?? SMARTIES HAVE THE ANSWER !!!  
  
Super Snape: I don't know what the bloody hell you're on about!  
  
Malfoy boy sets the tube of Smarties down on a table.  
  
Malfoy boy: Hey Smarties, i'm Malfoy boy and this is my crime fighting friend, Super Snape.  
  
Super Snape: Malfoy boy??? What are you doing???  
  
Malfoy boy: Shhh!  
  
Smarties tube: *in a strong cockney accent* 'ello.  
  
Malfoy boy: Do you know where Edward is, Mr. Smarties?  
  
Mr.Smarties: Yeah, i do.  
  
Malfoy boy: Could you take us to him?  
  
Mr.Smarties: Erm....Alright then.  
  
Mr.Smarties jumps off of the table and scurries away. Super Snape and Malfoy boy follow him. Mr.Smarties leads them down, deep into forgotten Hogwarts passageways. Eventually they reach a door.  
  
Mr.Smarties: He's in there.  
  
Malfoy Boy: Thankyou so much Mr.Smarties. Are you gunna come in with us?  
  
Mr.Smarties: I ain't going in there. Somethin' dark and evil lurks there. You be careful my son, watch yaself.  
  
Malfoy boy and Super Snape look at each other.  
  
Mr.Smarties: I'm off! Laters!  
  
Mr.Smarties scurries away, leaving Super Snape and Malfoy boy to face the mysterious evil force behind the door.  
  
Super Snape: After you...  
  
Malfoy boy: No, no, age before beauty.  
  
Super Snape: *glares* Fine!  
  
Super Snape slowly opens the door.  
  
Super Snape: Gasp!  
  
Malfoy boy: Double gasp!  
  
What could be lurking in the room? What will become of poor Philip and Edward? Why did Mr.Smarties have a cockney accent??  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	8. Evil wears a pink hat

~A message from the author~  
  
Hi! I would just like to say a HUGE thankyou for all your reviews!! They were great, well, most of them were, lol!!! It's nice to know that you enjoy reading "The adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy Boy", as much as i enjoy writing them!! Thankyou again  
  
Jenni Piech xx  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------  
  
The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "EVIL WEARS A PINK HAT"  
  
Brain Queen and Weasel Kid make their way to Super Snape and Malfoy boys HQ.  
  
Brain Queen: Knock on the door then!  
  
Weasel Kid: *knocks* I dunno why i wanted to be your sidekick.....  
  
No one answers the door.  
  
Weasel Kid: *knocks again*  
  
Brain Queen: Where could they be?  
  
Meanwhile, deep beneath the dungeons......  
  
Super Snape: Gasp!  
  
Malfoy boy: Double gasp!  
  
Super Snape: Lucius??! What the #!?@ are you doing?  
  
Malfoy boy: *almost crying* Dad? W..Why are you sticking needles in Edward....and why are you wearing that pink top hat???  
  
Lucius: *laughs evilly* The needles are purely to show my hatred toward the Gryffindors, and the hat...well, let's just say that at £4.50, WHO WOULDN'T?!  
  
Malfoy boy: Why Dad? Why did you steal Edward??  
  
Lucius: Because i hate the Gryffindors !!! Don't you?? Doesn't everybody???  
  
Super Snape: Of course we hate them, but we would never go this far.....  
  
Lucius: That's because you don't have the guts !!  
  
Super Snape: A man wearing a pink top hat is telling me i don't have the guts to steal a stuffed toy.....He's your Dad, Malfoy boy, you deal with him.  
  
Super Snape leaves, shaking his head in disbelief. Malfoy boy is left to deal with his insane Father.  
  
Back at HQ....  
  
Weasel Kid: Can we go now? Pleeeeease?  
  
Brain Queen: For the fifth time, No!  
  
Lupin Lad skips past, stops, and goes over to see what Brain Queen and Weasel Kid are up to.  
  
Lupin Lad: What are two young Gryffindors such as yourselves doing outside Super Snape and Malfoy boys HQ, on a day like this?  
  
Brain Queen and Weasel Kid exchange glances.  
  
Brain Queen: We're waiting for them, not that it's any of your business...  
  
Lupin Lad: Why?  
  
Brain Queen: We just are! Go away!  
  
Lupin Lad: Well i know where they went.  
  
Weasel Kid: Liar!  
  
Lupin Lad: No, i really do! They're somewhere down there *points to the floor*, looking for Edward Scissorhands.  
  
Brain Queen: Would you take us to them?  
  
Lupin Lad: Hmmm...i don't know...  
  
Weasel Kid: Oh go on !!!  
  
Lupin Lad: But what would i gain out of it?  
  
Weasel Kid: *searches his pockets* A piece of chewing gum...and half a packet of hula hoops.  
  
Lupin Lad: Flavour?  
  
Weasel Kid: Beef.  
  
Lupin Lad: Okay, what about you Brain Queen?  
  
Brain Queen: I'm not giving anything to you!!  
  
Lupin Lad: I better be off then...  
  
Brain Queen: Fine! *searches pockets* a hair clip, some cherry flavour lip gloss....and....a note that me, Harry and Weasel Kid were passing around during Transfiguration.  
  
Lupin Lad: Sweet! Gimme!  
  
Brain Queen and Weasel Kid hand over the goods, and Lupin Lad leads them down to Malfoy boy.  
  
Lupin Lad: He's in there *starts to walk off*  
  
Brain Queen: Where are you going?!  
  
Lupin Lad: I ain't going in there!! Not after what Mr.Smarties told me !!!  
  
Brain Queen and Weasel Kid press an ear against the door to hear what's going on inside...  
  
Malfoy boy: Just stop it Dad !!  
  
Lucius: Lalalalala, oops he lost a leg....  
  
Malfoy boy: Leave him alone, he's only a toy !!!  
  
Brain Queen: He's torturing poor Edward!!  
  
Weasel Kid: Let's get him !!  
  
Brain Queen and Weasel Kid burst through the door...  
  
Malfoy boy: Thank God you came !!  
  
10 minutes later.....  
  
Malfoy boy, Brain Queen and Weasel Kid are tied up on the floor...  
  
Lucius: Mwahahahahahahaaha  
  
Malfoy boy: You were a lot of help, weren't ya !  
  
Brain Queen: We tried !!  
  
Weasel Kid: Why is your Dad suddenly insane??  
  
Malfoy boy: I dunno!  
  
Lucius: Your mascot doesn't look so impressive now he only has three legs, does he ?! hahahahahahahahahaha....  
  
Weasel Kid starts crying.  
  
Lucius: Ha! You're crying! They should call you wuss Kid!  
  
Malfoy boy: Oh Super Snape where are you?  
  
Somewhere in Hogwarts......  
  
Super Snape: *dances whilst singing....* I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts....  
  
Will Super Snape rescue Malfoy boy, Brain Queen and Weasel Kid in time? Where did Lucius get that hat from, coz i don't know about you, but i want one!!  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	9. The showdown of the poofs

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "THE SHOWDOWN OF THE POOFS" with special guest star GRAHAM NORTON !!!  
  
In the Great Hall....  
  
Dumbledore: I have a special announcement to make....  
  
Neville: Where's Hermione and Ron?  
  
Harry: I dunno....  
  
Dumbledore: ...tomorrow we will be having a special guest....  
  
Harry: Hey, Fred? Where's Ron and Hermione?  
  
Fred: I dunno....  
  
Dumbledore: ...and that guest will be.....  
  
Fred: Hey, George? Where's Ron and Hermione?  
  
George: I dunno....  
  
Dumbledore: Graham Norton !!!!  
  
Everyone: Graham Norton ???  
  
Dumbledore: Yes, he will visiting us on his way to the amazing SPOOOON convention in London, and i shall be joining him.  
  
Everyone is slightly surprised by this news, but nevertheless excited about the visit from the King of suits that clash with his shirts.  
  
Meanwhile, deep beneath Hogwarts....  
  
Lucius: *sings* My boy lollipop, do do do do do, you make my heart go giddy- up, you're as sweet as candy, you're my sugar dandy, ooo oo ...  
  
Weasel Kid: Where the hell is Super Snape?  
  
Malfoy boy: I don't know!! Dad stop singing!!!  
  
Lucius: Erm....No...  
  
Brain Queen: What time is it?  
  
Weasel Kid: Mr Malfoy? Sir? What's the time?  
  
Lucius: It's eight o'clock.  
  
Weasel Kid: Thankyou.  
  
Malfoy boy: Let's play a game, it'll make the time go by faster...hopefully...  
  
Weasel Kid: What kinda game?  
  
Malfoy boy: I spy?  
  
Brain Queen: Okay...i'll go first...i spy with my little eye, something beginning with....P.  
  
Weasel Kid: Poor trapped children?  
  
Brain Queen: No...  
  
Malfoy boy: Pigeon?  
  
Brain Queen: ..er...no...  
  
Lucius knocks over a can of cherry coke which is on the table. The cherry coke spills onto his robes.  
  
Lucius: Oh...look! Cherry coke is always such a stubborn stain....  
  
Weasel Kid and Malfoy boy: Poof?  
  
Brain Queen: Yay! Your go!  
  
The Next Day.....  
  
Dumbledore is showing Graham Norton around the school....  
  
Graham: Oh it was sooo nice of you to invite me here....  
  
Dumbledore: It was, wasn't it.  
  
Graham: I love what you've done with the place.  
  
Dumbledore: And i love that outfit you're wearing!  
  
Graham: *giggles* Aw, so do i !  
  
Suddenly Lupin Lad rushes up to Dumbledore and Graham...  
  
Lupin Lad: Quick! Quick! Malfoy boy, Weasel Kid and Brain Queen are being held captive by *da da DA* The incredible poof!  
  
Graham: *throws hands into the air* Poof? Where????  
  
Lupin Lad: Follow me!!  
  
Meanwhile.....  
  
Malfoy boy: I'm hungry!! Oooo oooo oooo...  
  
Lucius: Well i'm bored! No one's come to save you!! Don't you have any friends?!?!  
  
Brain Queen: Yes....  
  
Lucius: Shut it you!  
  
Suddenly theres a knock at the door.  
  
Lucius: Who is it?  
  
Graham: It's me Graham Norton! I have come to save the poor little children, and prove that your gayness is no match for mine!!  
  
Lucius: Puh...lease! I am so gayer than you! I'm wearing a pink top hat, hello!?  
  
Graham breaks down the door, blinding everyone with his bright green suit which classily clashes with his bright pink shirt. The children cheer and Dumbledore and Lupin Lad stare into the room from afar.  
  
Graham: I'll save you children!!  
  
Malfoy boy: Yay!  
  
Weasel Kid: You took your sweet bloody time!!  
  
Lucius: Be gone, you!  
  
Graham: Nope..  
  
Graham approaches Lucius and...BITCH SLAPS HIM! Lucius then slaps Graham back, and so the fight begins!!  
  
The children: Graham!! Graham!! Graham!!  
  
Lupin Lad: Lucius! Lucius! Lu...no wait....Graham!! Graham!! Graham!!  
  
Lucius: You tart!  
  
Graham: Slut!  
  
Lucius: oooooo...  
  
Suddenly without warning Lucius dodges a bitch slap and runs out of the room, shouting "I'll get you someday Gryffindors, just you wait and see!".  
  
Graham: Well that was odd.  
  
Brain Queen: Can someone untie us please?  
  
Graham: Sure, why not!  
  
Later that day....  
  
Malfoy boy: Do you HAVE to go?  
  
Graham: Yes, i must, i don't want to miss the SPOOON convention.  
  
Dumbledore: Yes, we must be off! See ya !  
  
Weasel Kid: Did Dumbledore just say "See ya" ?  
  
Malfoy boy: He sure did.  
  
Graham and Dumbledore leave, leaving Malfoy boy, Weasel Kid and Brain Queen at the main entrance...  
  
Malfoy boy: I wonder where Super Snape's got to.....  
  
Super Snape strolls up behind them...  
  
Super Snape: Good afternoo...  
  
Malfoy boy: Where the HELL have you been ???  
  
Super Snape: Well i...i was...  
  
Malfoy boy: No! I don't want to hear it!! You're grounded mister!!  
  
Super Snape: *scowls* Ergh! I hate you!! *runs away*  
  
Malfoy boy: It's for his own good ya know! Anyway, i better be off, bye!  
  
Weasel Kid: Bye  
  
Brain Queen: See you later  
  
Malfoy boy walks off...  
  
Weasel Kid: I am sooo glad i wasn't sorted into Slytherin, they're so weird!  
  
Brain Queen: Yeah, i know! Now lets go and find Harry, i hear he, Neville, Seamus and Dean are playing follow the leader..........  
  
Just then a pretty looking girl steps out from somewhere and walks up to Brain Queen and Weasel Kid...  
  
Girl: Hi, i'm new, i've moved here from America, i was wondering if you could show me around?  
  
Weasel Kid: Erm...ok. What's your name?  
  
Girl: Mary Sue...  
  
Brain Queen and Weasel Kid: What????  
  
Mary Sue: Mary Sue, my name's Mary Sue....*smiles sweetly*  
  
Brain Queen and Weasel Kid look at each other with a look a fear and downright disgust...  
  
Mary Sue: And may i just add that i'm practically perfect in everyway.  
  
Weasel Kid: I feel sick...*covers mouth with his hand and runs off*  
  
Mary Sue: *giggles* hehe, what's wrong with him?  
  
Brain Queen: *looks at Mary Sue in disgust* Go away! Your kind isn't welcome around here!!  
  
Mary Sue: *smiles* What do you mean?  
  
Brain Queen: You're a...a.. Mary Sue!!  
  
Mary Sue: Yes, that is my name  
  
Brain Queen: Yuk! *runs away*  
  
Mary Sue: Now all i have to do is get with Harry, eventually marry him, have some children with ridiculous names, and have an unrealistically pleasant life. Hehe! *skips off (but not in a funny way like Lupin Lad, in a sick, twisted, "butter wouldn't melt in my mouth" way).*  
  
Will Hogwarts be able to rid themselves of the HORRID AMERICAN SCUM that is Mary Sue? What evil plan could The incredible Poof be concocting at this very moment? How many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a man?  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	10. When MarySue's attack!

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important (He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "WHEN MARY-SUES ATTACK!!"  
  
Malfoy boy: Oh my God ! She's coming this way!!!  
  
Super Snape: Well close the door then!!!  
  
Malfoy boy closes the door and flattens his body against it.  
  
Super Snape: I could go out and get rid of her...but, oh wait....I'M GROUNDED!  
  
Malfoy boy: Now is not a good time...  
  
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK  
  
Malfoy boy: Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no....  
  
Super Snape: For God's sake! *pushes Malfoy boy away from the door* I'll talk to her!  
  
Malfoy boy: No no! Please don't ! I don't want you to die !!!  
  
Super Snape gives an odd look to Malfoy boy, and opens the door. A pretty girl is standing there, smiling sweetly.....(a little TOO sweetly, if you ask me...).  
  
Super Snape: Hello? What do you want?  
  
Mary-Sue: Hi, i'm Mary-Sue, i've moved here from...  
  
Super Snape: I don't want your life story! Why are you here?  
  
Mary-Sue: I'm just introducing myself. You see i'm...  
  
Super Snape: Look, maybe you no one's told you, but myself and Malfoy boy...  
  
Malfoy boy flinches as Mary-Sue glances at him.  
  
Super Snape: ...are Superheros, so we're very busy, so we don't really have time for people like yourself.  
  
Mary-Sue: But i'm....  
  
Super Snape: Goodbye!  
  
Super Snape closes the door.  
  
Malfoy boy: You're so brave!  
  
Super Snape: She's only a little girl. I don't know why everyone's so scared of her!  
  
Malfoy boy: I can't believe she...she....looked at me!  
  
Super Snape: *rolls eyes*  
  
Suddenly, a loud growling sound is heard from outside. Super Snape goes to open the door...  
  
Malfoy boy: *grabs onto Super Snapes robes* Don't go out there!! It's her !!!  
  
Super Snape: Get off! *pushes Malfoy boy away*  
  
Super Snape opens the door ...  
  
Super Snape: Good lord !!!  
  
Meanwhile......  
  
Harry: So you actually saw her?  
  
Weasel Kid: Yeah...it was the scariest thing.....ooo i can't even think about it!  
  
Brain Queen: You read about this kinda thing in stories...but you never think it could happen to you.  
  
Lupin Lad: What could happen to me?  
  
Weasel Kid: How long have you been there?  
  
Lupin Lad: *shrugs* A few seconds i guess.....  
  
Brain Queen: Have you heard about the Mary-Sue?  
  
Lupin Lad: *eyes widen* No! There's a Mary-Sue?? In this school???? Why does no one tell me these things!?!! Where is she? Is someone going to kill her???  
  
Harry: Hopefully.  
  
Suddenly, booming footsteps echo through the corridor, and before anyone has the chance to get away, a horrid monster comes into view, holding Malfoy Boy in one of it's clawed hands.  
  
Harry: Oh my God!! What is that??  
  
Malfoy Boy: It's Mary-Sue!! Run!! Save yourselves!!  
  
Super Snape desperatly runs after Mary-Sue, in hope of rescuing poor Malfoy Boy.  
  
Mary-Sue: RARGH!!  
  
Malfoy boy: Don't eat me, please !!  
  
Super Snape: Put him down!! Damn americans ruining our school !!!  
  
Mary-Sue: GRR ARGG !  
  
Brain Queen: It's hideous!  
  
Weasel Kid: I feel sick again....  
  
Lupin Lad: Damn you !! You monster!!! *looks around for something to throw at Mary-Sue*  
  
Suddenly The Incredible Poof storms down the corridor, but stops at the sight of his only son in the clutches of the horrid Mary-Sue.  
  
The Incredible Poof: Draco!! My son!! Mary-Sue, you fiend !!! Put him down!!  
  
Mary-Sue: GRR NO !  
  
Malfoy boy: Dad! Run! Forget about me, i'm done for, save yourself !!!!  
  
The Incredible Poof: No! I must save you! Lupin Lad, Brain Queen, Weasel Kid and *shudders* Harry, will you help me save my son?  
  
Lupin Lad: Well, i'll help you, but not for you...  
  
Harry: For Malfoy boy!  
  
Lupin Lad: No, not for him either. For the praise, hero-status, and the free cinema pass i will recieve afterwards!  
  
The Incredible Poof: Er...that'll do!  
  
Harry points his wand at Malfoy boy.  
  
Harry: Wingardium Leviosa!  
  
Nothing happens...  
  
Harry: It's not working! She's too strong, we need to do it together!  
  
They all point their wands at Malfoy boy.  
  
All: WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA !!!  
  
Malfoy boy flies out of Mary-Sue's claws and safely to the ground.  
  
Super Snape: Now i will defeat Mary-Sue with this bowl of week-old custard *points at bowl*  
  
Super Snape splashes Mary-Sue with the custard.  
  
Mary-Sue: GRR Argh! I'm melting...meeeellllltttiiing, oh what a world...  
  
Mary-Sue melts, leaving a nasty pink mess on the floor.  
  
Super Snape: Don't worry, Filch'll clear that up in no time!  
  
The Incredible Poof: Draco, are you alright?  
  
Malfoy boy: A little air sick, but apart from that, i'm fine.  
  
The Incredible Poof: Thankyou everyone for saving my son...  
  
Harry: Does these mean you're no longer evil?  
  
The Incredible Poof: No.  
  
Brain Queen: But we...  
  
The Incredible Poof: I said No.  
  
The Incredible Poof walks off like the poof he is.  
  
Brain Queen: Er...ok....  
  
Super Snape: All that matters is that Malfoy boy is ok, and that Mary-Sue is gone for good.  
  
Or is she?  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	11. Attack of the clones

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU to Kay, Applejuice Master, Samuelpotter and Mwpp- lover for your ideas!!!!!!!!! They were great !!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "ATTACK OF THE CLONES!"  
  
Super Snape and Malfoy boy were sat down outside, by the lake, enjoying a well deserved picnic. The last week had been a busy one for our heros. Ever since they defeated the dreaded Mary-Sue, they had become something of a celebrity. But now the fuss was beginning to quiet down.  
  
Malfoy boy: Great sausage rolls Snape.  
  
Super Snape: Oh, you think so? I made them myself *grins proudly*  
  
Malfoy boy: Um...Super Snape...what...  
  
Super Snape: I used an old Snape family recipe, you know, passed down from generation to generation....  
  
Malfoy boy: mmm hmm, great, but what's that over.....  
  
Super Snape: I also made those mini scotch eggs. They're delightful, don't you think?  
  
Malfoy boy: Yeah, delightful, but what is that over there???  
  
Malfoy boy points to something that is rapidly bounding towards them.  
  
Super Snape: It looks like a.....  
  
Malfoy boy: It can't be!  
  
As the something gets closer, they realise what it is.  
  
Malfoy boy: *Shakes head* I can't believe it....  
  
Super Snape: Why is he coming over to us !?  
  
The something, which is actually Gilderoy Lockhart in a kangaroo suit, stops right in front of Super Snape and Malfoy boy.  
  
Super Snape: *Sigh* Good morning Gilderoy....  
  
Lockhart: It is a good morning, isn't it? How are you?  
  
Malfoy boy: We're fine....*Gives him an odd look*.  
  
Lockhart: Why are you looking at me like that? *Looks down and realises he's wearing a kangaroo suit*. Oh! Damn it! I forgot i was wearing this....  
  
Super Snape and Malfoy boy exchange glances.  
  
Lockhart: Anyhoo...Oh my gosh! Those mini scotch eggs are simply delightful!  
  
Super Snape: *Beams* You really think so?? I made them myself, and....  
  
Malfoy boy: Why are you here Lockhart?  
  
Lockhart: What? Oh yes! I have urgent news! *Suddenly looks terribly serious*. Dumbledore has...has.....  
  
Malfoy boy: If this is about his SPOOOONS again, i swear i'll....  
  
Lockhart: *Throws hands into the air* He's been kidnapped!!!  
  
Super Snape: No! How? When? Who? How?  
  
Lockhart: Yes! I don't know! I don't know when either! Or who! And i've already said!  
  
Malfoy boy: Who could be behind this???  
  
Super Snape: I don't know! But we have to find out! Quick! To the Snape-a- mobile!  
  
Malfoy boy: *Gives Super Snape a "What the hell" look*.  
  
Super Snape: Let's go....  
  
Lockhart: May i have a scotch egg?  
  
Super Snape: Oh yes. Of course, help yourself!  
  
10 MINUTES LATER  
  
Super Snape and Malfoy boy have rushed to Dumbledores office, and are now searching for clues.  
  
Malfoy boy: Look! Another pair of socks....  
  
Super Snape: He sure does love his socks....  
  
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK  
  
Super Snape: Come in !!  
  
The door opens and in walks Lupin Lad.  
  
Lupin Lad: Oh my God! I just heard the terrible news!!  
  
Super Snape: Yes, it is terrible indeed!  
  
Lupin Lad: The kitchens have run out of chocolate doughnuts!!! *Starts to weep*.  
  
Super Snape: Wha..doughnuts? Haven't you heard about Dumbledore?  
  
Lupin Lad: Dumbledore? *Gasp* Did he nick all the doughnuts?!?! I should've known it was him!! Oooo i'm gunna....  
  
Malfoy boy: He's been kidnapped you fool!  
  
Lupin Lad: oh....i mean...OH!!! OH NO!!! WHAT ARE WE GUNNA DO!?!?  
  
Super Snape: I don't know. We're looking for clues, perhaps you'd like to help?  
  
Lupin Lad: No, i'm happy with just watching thanks.  
  
Malfoy boy: *rolls eyes*.  
  
Lupin Lad: So....did you get a load of Gilderoy in that suit??! I'm gunna have to borrow that sometime......it's just genius......  
  
Malfoy boy: Oh my God!! Look! A clue! An actual clue!!  
  
Super Snape and Lupin Lad rush over to see.  
  
Malfoy boy: It's a pink hair clip, with a flower on it!  
  
Lupin Lad: Wait a minute....is that one of mine? *Looks at it*. Nope, definatly not mine. Mine isn't sparkly.  
  
Super Snape: What does this mean?  
  
Malfoy boy: *Thinks* I've seen a clip like this before.......OH NO!  
  
Super Snape and Lupin Lad: What!?!?  
  
Malfoy boy: MARY-SUE!!!  
  
Super Snape: But she's dead!!  
  
Malfoy boy: I know! But...oh look over there! There's another one! It looks exactly the same!  
  
Suddenly they hear a sinister giggling come from outside.  
  
Malfoy boy: I know that giggling!!  
  
Lupin Lad: It is!! It's Mary-Sue!! She's come back from the dead!!!!!!! I bet she was the one who stole those doughnuts.....  
  
Malfoy boy: I think you better go out and take a look Super Snape.  
  
Super Snape: But why me?.......fine........  
  
Super Snape goes over to the door and opens it slowly. He peers outside to see where the giggling is coming from.  
  
Super Snape: Oh my! Come and have a look at this!  
  
Malfoy boy and Lupin Lad go over to see.  
  
Malfoy boy: But how....*faints*  
  
Lupin Lad: This is wrong! Just plain wrong!  
  
A large group of girls are making their way down the corridor. Each is smiling with a set of perfect teeth. It is plain to see that they are in fact, MARY-SUE CLONES !!  
  
Super Snape: What are we going to do??  
  
Lupin Lad: Well, it would be best if we killed them!  
  
Super snape: Yes i know! But how! There must be at least 50 of them!!  
  
As the last of the Mary-Sues walk by, Lupin Lad has an idea.  
  
Lupin Lad: I've got an idea!! Let's follow them!!  
  
Super Snape: Alright then!  
  
Super Snape and Lupin Lad quietly sneak out of the door and follow the group of clones. Suddenly, Super Snape turns back.  
  
Lupin Lad: *whispers* What are you doing?  
  
Super Snape: We forgot Malfoy boy !!  
  
20 MINUTES LATER  
  
Malfoy boy: Are they even going anywhere? It just feels like they're wandering around aimlessly.  
  
Lupin Lad: Oh look! *Points to something in front of the group* It's Loopy Lockhart!!  
  
Super Snape: Loopy Lockhart??  
  
Lupin Lad: Would anyone sane wear that kangaroo suit??  
  
Super Snape: Good point.  
  
Suddenly, the group comes to a halt, and Super Snape has to stop Malfoy boy from walking into the back of a clone. The Mary-Sues all look at Loopy Lockhart and tilt their heads.  
  
Clones: *all in unison* Like, get out of the way!  
  
Lupin Lad: *whispers* That has to be the most terrifying noise i've ever heard....  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Um...who are you? and you, and you, and you.....you get the point.  
  
Clones: We are the Mary-Sue clones. We were, like, created by The Incredible Poof, and we've, like, kidnapped Dummiedore.  
  
Loopy Lockhart: You mean Dumbledore.  
  
Clones: Hehe, uh huh.  
  
Loopy Lockhart: So where's Dumbledore then?  
  
Clones: Like we're gunna tell a dork like you!  
  
Loopy Lockhart: What if i promised you....a date with Harry Potter!  
  
Clones: Oooooh, we, like, love Harry!! Dummiedore is in the Slytherin common room!!  
  
Loopy Lockhart: You're jolly stupid, aren't you! Now i shall defeat you with this week-old custard!!  
  
Loopy Lockhart takes out a massive bowl of Custard from his pouch. This bowl was huge, as big as the fattest person in the world, yes that's right, it was as big as Rik Waller! He poors the custard over the Mary-Sues and they all, like, melt.  
  
Malfoy boy: Woo!! Go Lockhart !!!  
  
Loopy Lockhart: *grins*  
  
AN HOUR LATER IN THE SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM...  
  
Dumbledore: Well, when I was in my office doing some bowling, i heard a funny sound. I opened the door, and there they were!!  
  
Super Snape: You must've been terrified!  
  
Dumbledore: I was!!  
  
Malfoy boy: We still need to track down The Incredible Poof!  
  
NEXT DAY IN THE GREAT HALL...  
  
The Incredible Poof: Cakes!! Get your cakes!!  
  
Super Snape, Malfoy boy and Lupin Lad walk into the Hall, and find The Incredible Poof standing behind a stall.  
  
Malfoy boy: What are you doing now Dad?  
  
The Incredible Poof: I'm obviously having a bake sale! Stupid boy!  
  
Lupin Lad: I'll take one of those cookies....and those fairy cakes look rather scrummy....  
  
Super Snape: Don't buy anything! He's up to something !!  
  
The Incredible Poof: I'm raising money.....  
  
Malfoy boy: For what??  
  
The Incredible Poof: Er.....a new hat? I mean.....A new hat !!!  
  
Malfoy boy: Liar!!  
  
The Incredible Poof: I'm not a liar !!  
  
Malfoy boy: You are!! You're a poofy liar !! And a poor excuse for a Father!!  
  
Malfoy boy picks up a big chocolate cake.  
  
The Incredible Poof: You better pay for that...  
  
Malfoy boy throws the cake at his Fathers face.  
  
Lupin Lad: Nice one!!  
  
The Incredible Poof: You little brat! *Throws a pie at Malfoy boy*  
  
Malfoy boy: OW!!! THAT'S STILL HOT!!  
  
A huge food fight breaks out between Father and Son.  
  
Lupin Lad: Can we join in?  
  
Super Snape: No.  
  
Soon all of the cakes are used up, and The Incredible Poof and Malfoy boy are lying on the floor, covered in food.  
  
Malfoy boy: I hate you!  
  
The Incredible Poof: I hated you first!  
  
Suddenly, Loopy Lockhart bounds into the Hall.  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Mr. Poof, you are under arrest for the kidnapping of Professor Dumbledore.  
  
Lupin Lad: How can you arrest him?  
  
Loopy Lockhart: I'm an undercover police man.  
  
Super Snape: I was wondering why you were back at Hogwarts all of a sudden....  
  
So everything seems to be wrapped up nicely...  
  
But how did Lockhart become a police man? And who cleaned up the mess when the Mary-Sues melted? And i didn't know The Incredible Poof could cook!!!! Where can i get the recipe for Super Snape's delighful scotch eggs?  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	12. Musical Malfoy

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "MUSICAL MALFOY"  
  
Super Snape: I'm glad that The Incredible Poof is now safely in jail....  
  
Malfoy boy: *sigh* yeah, i guess......  
  
Super Snape: What's wrong Malfoy boy?  
  
Sad music starts to play....  
  
Malfoy boy: Well....it's just....When my Dad asked everyone to save me from the Mary-Sue, i thought that he actually cared about me.....but i guess i was wrong....  
  
Super Snape: *puts his arm round Malfoy boys shoulder* No, no. He cares about you.....he's just a bit......bonkers, thats all.  
  
Malfoy boy: You think so?  
  
Super Snape: I know so.  
  
Lupin Lad suddenly bursts through the door...  
  
Lupin Lad: Sorry to interupt your little moment together...but outside the Great Hall, people are signing up to audition for parts in the school play!!!  
  
Malfoy boy: School play??  
  
Super Snape: We've never had one of those before!  
  
Lupin Lad: *Jumps up and down* I know! It's gunna be fab! *skips out of the room*.  
  
Malfoy boy: Maybe i could sign up for a part, it might take my mind off of my Dad for a while.  
  
Super Snape: It might......or you might just make yourself look stupid in front of the WHOLE ENTIRE school.....  
  
Malfoy boy: Thanks......  
  
LATER THAT DAY....  
  
Malfoy boy makes his way to the Great Hall. There's a huge crowd of students, and staff too.  
  
Malfoy boy: Hey...Weasel Kid! Where do i sign up to audition?  
  
Weasel Kid: Over there! *points to table surrounded by people*.  
  
Malfoy boy walks over to the crowd.  
  
Malfoy boy: So what's this play all about kid?  
  
Tiny kid with new york accent: I dunno, it has seemed to have escaped me...  
  
Malfoy boy gets some money out of his pocket and hands it to the kid.  
  
Kid: Well, er, It's about this boy, see, and he buys some out-of-date milk. He drinks the milk, not knowing that it is actually out-of-date, and we're talking seriously out-of-date here, like a month. Anyways, this kid gets ill, see, real ill. So his friends sue the milk company.  
  
Malfoy boy: What else happens?  
  
Kid: I'm not sure...i've kinda forgotten.  
  
Malfoy boy gives the kid some more money.  
  
Kid: Well, the friends, after much hard-work, successfully sue the milk company. The only problem is, after the milk company pays up, they find themselves a little hard up for cash. So they have to fire some of the cows that work for 'em, see, and the cows, well, lets just say they ain't too happy. So this one cow, Daisy, or somethin' dumb like that, she leaves a cowpat on the boys doorstep. The next day he steps out of his house, and BAM, foot lands in the cowpat. The end.  
  
Malfoy boy: Is that really what happens?????  
  
Kid: Is the sky blue?  
  
Malfoy boy: Okay then, i might aswell sign up anyway. Thanks kid.  
  
Kid: No problem!  
  
THE NEXT DAY AT AUDITIONS....  
  
Dumbledore, Mcgonagall and Super Snape have been asked to judge the auditions and pick who will play the characters.  
  
Mcgonagall: Okay, first we have Harry Potter, who is auditioning for the part of Micky Bumface.  
  
Harry walks onto the stage, clears his throat, and a man at a piano starts to play.  
  
Harry: *sings* I drank the milk! I drank the milk! I drank horrid smelly severly out-dated miiiiiiilk!  
  
Super Snape: NEXT!  
  
Weasel Kid: My friend, he is ill, so very very ill, so very very very very very very very....  
  
Mcgonagall: NEXT!  
  
Neville: Oh no i'm out of money/ i gotta fire some of them cows/ fire some of them cows/ fire some of them cows/ sorry daisy/ but i gotta fire some of them cows....  
  
Dumbledore: *chuckles* NEXT!  
  
Seamus: Pota....  
  
All: NEXT!  
  
Brain Queen: For i am but a simple cow fired from my job....sooooooo...i'ma poop on the doorstep, poop on the doorstep....  
  
Super Snape: NEXT!!  
  
Lupin Lad: If i could walk with the animals, talk with the animals, grunt and squeak and squak with the animals...  
  
Super Snape: Wrong play Lupin! NEXT!  
  
Malfoy boy: The poo is on my shoe, poo is on my shoe, first i get food poisioning, then i get poo on my shoe, what am i to do, when i have poo on my shoe, these shoes were just brand new, now i have poo on my shoe.....  
  
Super Snape: Jesus Christ you're all awful! We're just going to discuss who we think should have parts given to them, then we'll get back to you.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED......... 


	13. Musical Malfoy part2

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "MUSICAL MALFOY. Part 2"  
  
The next day, in the Great Hall, at Lunch time.....  
  
Dumbledore: Can i have your attention please?  
  
All the kids, and teachers, keep talking....  
  
Dumbledore: QUIET !!!!!!!!!  
  
A stunned silence falls upon the hall.....  
  
Dumbledore: Thankyou! I just wanted to announce that the list of people who were given parts in the school play is now outside this hall on the bulletin board......  
  
Suddenly, the hall empty, and there's a huge crowd gathered around the bulletin board.  
  
Lupin Lad: Make way! Make way! Actor coming through! Hey kid, i told you to get outta my way! *pushes small child to the ground*  
  
Malfoy boy: Lupin Lad, no way have you got a part!  
  
Lupin Lad: I might! You never know!  
  
Malfoy boy: You didn't even sing a song from the play!  
  
Lupin Lad: No, but i sang a song from *a* play!  
  
Malfoy boy: *sighs*  
  
Suddenly, they hear Harry shout from the front of the crowd....  
  
Harry: Right, listen everybody!!! I'm gunna call out who got the parts!!! *Ahem* Micky Bumface will be played by... Seamus!  
  
Seamus: *Bows* I owe it all to the potatoes...  
  
Harry: Mickys friends will be played by .... Brain Queen, Fred and that kid over there!  
  
Kid over there: Finally! I'll get some attention!  
  
Harry: Daisy will be played by...Lupin Lad?!!?  
  
Lupin Lad: In your face Malfoy boy!!! I'm great!  
  
Harry: The milk company owner will be played by...Malfoy boy!!!  
  
Malfoy boy: That sucks! I'm outta here......  
  
Harry: And Mickys lawyer will be played by....Super Snape!  
  
Super Snape: But i didn't even audition!!!!  
  
Harry: Oh well!....Hey, wait a minute....I didn't get a part!! This is an outrage! Oh no, wait, i get to play the shop keeper! Hoorah! And Weasel Kid, you'll be playing the milk companys lawyer!  
  
Weasel Kid: How splendid....  
  
NEXT DAY AT REHERSAL...  
  
Seamus: *Reading from script* Hey Betty, does this milk look alright to you?  
  
Fred: Yes.  
  
Seamus: I shall drink it then...*glug glug glug*  
  
Mcgonagall: Very good, very good, now lets go over the court scene.  
  
Super Snape, Malfoy boy and Weasel Kid enter the stage, and Fred leaves.  
  
Super Snape *clears his throat and begins to read* My client here, Micky Bumface..... Minerva, does his name really have to be Micky Bumface?  
  
Mcgonagall: Yes it does! Get on with it!  
  
Super Snape: *sighs* My client, blah blah blah, drank some milk on wednesday the 30th of February....What?! There isn't a 30th of February!!  
  
Mcgonagall: Severus!  
  
Super Snape: Ergh! He drank the milk, 30th of February, and was shocked and horrified when he later found that the best before date was in fact...  
  
Seamus: Potatoe! I mean.....29th of January!  
  
Super Snape: He feel ill shortly after drinking the milk, or by then, it was more like a creamy sort of cheese. When asked for an apologee, Mr. Joggingbottom III simply replied.....  
  
Seamus: *In a strong Somerset accent* Frankly, i couldn't give a damn! It serves the idiot right!  
  
Super Snape: Exactly. *ahem* After a few days of watching their dear friend suffer terrible diahorea and flatulence, Mickys friends came to me, and asked if i could help them in their quest to sue Mr Joggingbottom III and the milk company, "Mr Joggingbottom III's milk company".  
  
Judge(played by Admiral Important): Okay, now let's hear Jogginbottom's side of the story.  
  
Super Snape and Seamus sit down, and Weasel Kid and Malfoy boy approach the place where the judge sits.....  
  
Weasel Kid: My client, Mr Ralph Henry Doris Joggingbo...  
  
Malfoy boy: Doris isn't one of my middle names, you twit!  
  
Weasel Kid: It so is! It says right here!  
  
Malfoy boy: That's not part of the script, someone penciled that in!  
  
Lupin Lad, who is at the back of the room, giggles and runs away.  
  
Mcgonagall: Just get back to the play dears....  
  
Weasel Kid: Mr Ralph Henry Joggingbottom III, came to me, asking if i could sort out a small court case for him. He, like so many other milk company owners, suffer alot of wild allegations like these. Is it his fault that this child was too thick to read the date, which is CLEARLY printed on the side of the milk carton? Is it his fault that the shop keeper was too lazy to take the milk from his fridges? No! No, is the answer! I rest my case.  
  
Seamus: You horrid stinking cheat! You give me money! I suffered because of you!  
  
Malfoy boy: *strong Somerset accent* Pipe down Lad! You set up your own milk company and run it for 30 odd years, then come back and complain.....Mcgonagall, that doesn't make sense.  
  
Mcgonagall: Get on with it!  
  
Judge: Quiet in the court! *uses his hammer thing that judges use* I've decided that Mr Joggingbottom III must pay £50,899 compensation to Micky Bumface! Case closed!  
  
Malfoy boy: Bugger!  
  
Seamus! Potaaaaaaatoe!  
  
Super Snape: Erm...Woohoo.  
  
Mcgonagall: *claps* Very good!!!  
  
A WEEK LATER.....  
  
Malfoy boy: *peeks through the curtain* Wow! Look how big the audience is!  
  
Seamus: I'm scared!  
  
Lupin Lad: *in cow costume* I'm not! I'm a cow!  
  
Fred: Don't worry Seamus, me and Hermione will be with you!  
  
Kid: And me! Don't forget me!  
  
Fred: I don't even know your name....  
  
Kid: That's because i don't have one............  
  
LATER THAT NIGHT:  
  
Lupin Lad: Grrr! I hate that Micky Bumface! I'm unemployed all thanks to him!! But don't worry, i'll have my revenge! Er....oooo......*looks like he's trying to poo* Ah! There we go! Heh heh heh! *walks off*  
  
Seamus: *opens the door and steps in the cowpat* *gasps* *begins to sing* The poo is on my shoe, poo is on my shoe, first i get food poisioning, then i get poo on my shoe, what am i to do, when i have poo on my shoe, these shoes were just brand new, now i have poo on my shoe..... What's a simple Irish boy to...doooooooooooooo *hangs his head*  
  
The curtains close and the audience begin to cheer and clap and whistle and that kinda thing..... The curtains open and the cast are standing there. They bow a couple of times, and the curtains close again.  
  
All's well that ends well....But who is that myterious figure creeping into Hogwarts? And what's in that box that he's hiding under his robes?  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	14. The Vanity Bug

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "THE VANITY BUG"  
  
A mysterious cloaked figure stood in the kitchens. The school play had finished just over two hours ago, and most people were now tucked up in bed. The shady character was pouring something into the pumpkin juice, which was stored in the fridge. Then, he moved onto the cupboards, and started sprinkling a mysterious powder all over the food.  
  
Suddenly, the lights switch on!  
  
Lupin Lad: *gasp* What are you doing here Poof Man?  
  
The Incredible Poof: I'm not doing anything! *points an accusing finger at Lupin Lad* What are YOU doing here?  
  
Lupin Lad: Hehe....er....I'm also...doing nothing.  
  
Lupin Lad takes a step back....  
  
Lupin Lad: Er...As you were....  
  
The lights go off, Lupin Lad leaves, and The Incredible Poof continues doing whatever it is that he's doing......  
  
THE NEXT DAY..... at breakfast in the Great Hall...  
  
Malfoy boy: Well, i think last nights play went rather well, wouldn't you agree?  
  
Super Snape: I think we did a splendid job! Here's to us!  
  
They raise their glasses of Pumpkin juice, and then take a gulp....  
  
Malfoy boy: What am i saying?!? I was bloody brilliant!!! The play would've been a total flop if it wasn't for me!!  
  
Super Snape: And i'm gorgeous!! 'Nuff said!  
  
Malfoy boy: Heh, don't flatter yourself, i think we all know who's the best looking out of the two of us....  
  
Super Snape: Of course! Me!  
  
Malfoy boy: Uh, no....  
  
Harry: Actually, if you don't mind, i was the best!  
  
Seamus: Nah uh! I was soooo in the zone!  
  
Lupin Lad skips over to them...  
  
Lupin Lad: Hi hi! What are we arguing about?  
  
Super Snape: I'm gorgeous!  
  
Harry: No! I am!  
  
Lupin Lad: You silly people! You shouldn't argue! May i have some of that pumpkin juice?  
  
Super Snape: Yeah, sure, knock yourself out!  
  
Lupin Lad: *takes a gulp*  
  
Harry: Hello??! *points to scar* Boy who lived! I own this school!  
  
Lupin Lad: I am soooo damn sexier than all you lot put together!!  
  
They all get into a huge arguement. Suddenly, the whole school is argueing with each other over who's the best.....  
  
LATER THAT DAY AT HQ...  
  
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK  
  
Malfoy boy: I'll get it!!! It's undoubtedly for me!  
  
Super Snape: Oh puh-lease!  
  
They scramble to reach the door. They both open it, and Admiral Important is standing there....  
  
Admiral Important: Good Afternoo....  
  
Malfoy boy: Oh. It's you. *Leaves the door and goes over to a mirror*  
  
Admiral Important: How rude!! Anyway, did you know that a strange ...er.....thing has swept over the school!!! Everyone is full of themselves all of a sudden!!! Everyone has turned into an egomaniac!!!  
  
Super Snape: I'm sure i haven't been affected, i'm too great....  
  
Admiral Important: *raises an eyebrow* Right, whatever you say Super Snape. We need someone to create a antidote....  
  
Super Snape: I'll do it!! I'm the potions master!! I ruuuule the schoool.....  
  
Admiral Important: Well, actually, i was thinking of getting the.....  
  
Super Snape: I'm on it! *closes the door in the Admirals face*.  
  
LATER THAT DAY.....  
  
Admiral Important: Thankyou for coming to help us, after we sent you to jail and all....  
  
The Incredible Poof: Oh, it's my pleasure. I'd do anything to help improve my reputation. Not many people know that i'm an expert potion brewer.  
  
Admiral Important: Well, do you have everything you need for the antidote?  
  
The Incredible Poof: Yes thankyou.  
  
Admiral Important: Good good. I'll just leave you to it then, totally unguarded and unwatched....  
  
The Admiral leaves the room, and an evil grin spreads across The Incredible Poofs face. He takes out a bottle of ready made antidote from his robe pocket, and sits down, waiting patiently for the Admiral to come back and check on him in a couple of hours.  
  
Meanwhile......  
  
Super Snape: No, I'M the most respected Slytherin in this school!!  
  
Malfoy boy: Nah uh!! I am!! I'm a Malfoy, and i'm damn fine!!  
  
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK  
  
Super Snape opens the door, and the Admiral is standing there.  
  
Admiral Important: Just thought i'd tell you, there's no need for you to make an antidote, i've....*peers into the room* You haven't even started anyway!!! What have you been doing!??!?  
  
Super Snape: Look! I've got more important things to do than rush around saving the school every two minutes!  
  
Admiral Important: Fine......i'll see you later.  
  
Super Snape: You hope!  
  
TWO HOURS AND TWENTY THREE MINUTES LATER....  
  
Admiral Important: Oh thank goodness!! The Antidote!!! Everythings getting a bit out of hand around here!!  
  
The Incredible Poof: Well, i'm just glad i could help. *smiles sincerely*  
  
Admiral Important: I'll see to it that you're released from prison immediately! *walks out the room*  
  
The Incredible Poof: *Mr Burns style* Excellent!  
  
Soon the school is cured of the Vanity Bug, and Super Snape and Malfoy boy wonder who created the antidote....  
  
Admiral Important: The Incredible Poof.  
  
Super Snape: Wuh?  
  
Malfoy boy: Huh?  
  
Super Snape: Buh?  
  
Admiral Important: Yes, and he's been released from prison.  
  
Lupin Lad skips up to them....  
  
Lupin Lad: I heard buh-ing, what's going on??  
  
Malfoy boy: My Dad created the antidote, and now he's out of jail!!!  
  
Lupin Lad: Antidote, eh? amazing spoooooons, eh?  
  
~~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~  
  
Lupin Lad switches on the kitchen lights, and spots The Incredible Poof sprinkling something all over the food.  
  
Lupin Lad: *gasp* What are you doing here Poof Man?  
  
The Incredible Poof: I'm not doing anything! *points an accusing finger at Lupin Lad* What are YOU doing here, you handsome thing you?  
  
Lupin Lad: Hehe....er....I'm also...doing nothing.  
  
A blue pig floats by....  
  
Pig: *sings* Y M C A, it's fun to stay at the Y M C A..... *floats away*  
  
Lupin Lad takes a step back....  
  
Lupin Lad: Er...As you were....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Lupin Lad: Hehe, pig..... I MEAN!! The Poof!! He was the one that infected everything with the Vanity bug thingy!!!!  
  
Admiral Important: Don't be an idiot!! Why would he do that, and then come up with the antidote??  
  
Lupin Lad: Because....he's.....eeeeeviiillllll.....  
  
Admiral Important: I'm going to get some dinner.....  
  
Has The Incredible Poof gotten away with it this time? Is Lupin Lad the only one with a brain?!!?!!?  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY.  
  
___________________________________________________________  
  
This is where i shamelessy advertise my stuff......  
  
I REALLY need Fanart for my site !! Please send me some!! Even if it's turd!! And if anyone wants to draw any characters from Super Snape and Malfoy boy, that would just be FANTASTIC!!!!!  
  
Also, if you like these Adventures, you may like a similar series i've started writing: The Adventures of Mighty Merry and Parachute Pippin. It's not quite as good as Super Snape and Malfoy boy, but i made myself laugh whilst i was writing it!! lol!! Just go to my profile, and there'll be a link to it!  
  
Stay Golden  
  
Jenni Piech xxxx  
  
______________________________________________________ 


	15. Lupin Lads tuna sandwich

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "LUPIN LADS TUNA SANDWICH"  
  
The Incredible Poof was making his way down the corridor, unaware that Lupin Lad was following closely behind. Suddenly Lupin Lad trips over.....  
  
The Incredible Poof: *Turns around* Ergh! Lupin Lad!! You're stalking me again!!  
  
Lupin Lad: *gets up* Not stalking, following...to see WHAT YOU'RE UP TO!!!  
  
The Incredible Poof: I'm not up to anything! I'm going to get something to eat....  
  
Lupin Lad: Something to eat eh? Like, maybe....your son!?  
  
The Incredible Poof: Um...no. I was thinking more along the lines of a sandwich....  
  
Lupin Lad: Uh huh uh huh...like, a Super Snape sandwich!??!  
  
The Incredible Poof: Ew! No! Like ham!  
  
Lupin Lad: *narrows eyes* But you're jewish! *points at poof*  
  
The Incredible Poof: Wha..?!! I'm not Jewish!!!!!  
  
Lupin Lad: Riiiiiight.....*turns his head to the right* He is SO jewish....  
  
The Incredible Poof: Who are you talking to?  
  
Lupin Lad: Pig....  
  
The Incredible Poof: I'm not gunna ask..... . Anyway, leave me alone!!  
  
Lupin Lad: But i know you're plotting something evil!! I know it was you that infected the school with the vanity bug!!!!!! And so does Pig...he was there too...  
  
The Incredible Poof: Yeah, but no one's gunna listen to you! You're insane!!  
  
Lupin Lad: *turns to pig* He has a point....  
  
The Incredible Poof walks away, and Lupin Lad runs after him...  
  
LATER THAT DAY AT HQ.......  
  
Malfoy boy is playing solitaire and Super Snape is making an omelette.....  
  
Super Snape: Oooh.....poo!  
  
Malfoy boy: Did you get egg on your robes again??  
  
Super Snape: Yes *sighs*  
  
Malfoy boy: You're hopeless....  
  
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK  
  
Malfoy boy: I'll get it. You go and clean yourself up.  
  
Malfoy boy opens the door and Lupin Lad jumps into the room on a pogo stick. He stays there, bouncing on the spot for a minute, before, finally....  
  
Malfoy boy: What?!  
  
Lupin Lad: *out of breath* Incredible...poof....stole....sandwich....  
  
Malfoy boy: Come again?  
  
Lupin Lad: Your...Dad....stole....my....sandwich....  
  
Malfoy boy: Well...how do you know it was him?  
  
Lupn Lad: Because...he's....eeeeevvvviiiilllllll.....  
  
Malfoy boy: But, i mean, you have no proof, right?  
  
Lupin Lad: His...evilness...is.. enough proof.  
  
Malfoy boy: *sighs* SUPER SNAPE!! WILL YOU COME OUT HERE PLEASE!  
  
Super Snape appears, still trying to wipe egg off of his robes.  
  
Super Snape: What? What's the matter?  
  
Lupin Lad: My flippin sandwich was stolen!!  
  
Super Snape: Who would steal a sandwich? And can't you just get another one??  
  
Lupin Lad: *glares* No! That sandwich was precious to me....  
  
Super Snape and Malfoy boy exchange glances...  
  
Lupin Lad: It gave me powers!  
  
Super Snape: Riiiiight...well....*starts to usher Lupin Lad out of the room* We're right on it! *Lupin Lad is taken out of the doorway* Right after we solve the mystery of Harry's stolen chewing gum.... *Starts to close the door*  
  
Lupin Lad: You bast....  
  
Super Snape closes the door.  
  
Malfoy boy: What a nutter.....  
  
OUT IN THE CORRIDOR  
  
Lupin Lad: *bounces down the corridor* Fine! I'll show them! Think they're better than me! Come on, Pig! We've got a sandwich to find!  
  
THE NEXT DAY...  
  
Lupin Lad: *sings* Sandwich i love you, sandwich, i do, even though you're far away, i still love you.....  
  
Harry: Um...Lupin Lad...If The Incredible Poof REALLY DID steal your sandwich, i reckon he's already eaten it by now....  
  
Lupin Lad: Don't say such things!  
  
Harry: ...Sorry......  
  
Lupin Lad: So you'll help me find it then??  
  
Harry: Wha...i didn't....  
  
Lupin Lad: Great!!! *takes Harry by the arm and drags him to his very own HQ*  
  
Harry: Why are we in a broom cupboard?....And why did you just lock the door?...And why are you grinning like that?....Surely this would be classed as kidnapping......  
  
Lupin Lad: We're gunna make a plan! Operation Save The Sandwich!  
  
Harry: *blinks* I reaaally would rather if i wasn't included, just let me out and.....  
  
Lupin Lad: Oh no, i can't let you out, if i let you out, i'd have to kill you.....  
  
Harry: *ahem* I see....*is now very scared and almost wets himself.....I said ALMOST!*  
  
Will Lupin Lad be able to find his stolen sandwich with the help of his new prisoner? Was it really The Incredible Poof? How long will Harry survive?!!?  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	16. Operation save the sandwich

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "OPERATION SAVE THE SANDWICH"  
  
52 hours, 12 minutes and 21 seconds after the capture of Harry.....  
  
Lupin Lad: So that's the plan then *shakes Harrys hand* It was great working with you!  
  
Harry: Yeah! It may be the sugar rush talking, but, THAT WAS PRETTY COOL!  
  
Lupin Lad: Now all we have to do is put the plan into action! *grins* Mwaha Mwahahaha MWAHAHAHAHA  
  
Harry: MWAHAHAHA  
  
Lupin Lad: MWAHAHAHAHA  
  
Harry: MWAHAHA *chokes* HAHA!  
  
Lupin Lad: Let's do it!  
  
Lupin Lad gives Harry a high five, then they do their secret handshake thing that they made up during their time in the broom cupboa...i mean....HQ. Then, Lupin Lad unlocks the door and the duo bound out and run straight to Super Snape and Malfoy boy.  
  
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK  
  
Lupin Lad: Come oooon, why won't they answer?  
  
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK  
  
Lupin Lad: Ergh!  
  
KNOCK KNOCK KN....  
  
Super Snape: What do you want NOW?  
  
Lupin Lad: WE want you...we want you...we want you as a new recruit...  
  
Harry: *sings* In the navy, neh neh la la la la la la, In the navy.....  
  
Lupin Lad and Harry burst into giggles.  
  
Super Snape: *blinks* is that all?  
  
Lupin Lad: *composes himself* No, no. WE want YOU *looks at Harry, who starts laughing again* to help us with our plan to get back my sandwich!  
  
Super Snape: Sandwich??  
  
Lupin Lad: Ya know, i told you about it a couple of days ago.  
  
Super Snape: Oh that nonsense....why would we want to help you?  
  
Lupin Lad: Coz....*scratches head* We get to go to a supermarket!  
  
Super Snape: Super...market?  
  
Lupin Lad: Yeah! It's a place where muggles do their shopping!  
  
Malfoy boy appears at the door.  
  
Malfoy boy: What does this nut want now?  
  
Super Snape: He wants us to go to a ....supermarket.  
  
Malfoy boy: A what?  
  
Harry: Cmon let's just go! What else are ya gunna do?  
  
Super Snape: He has a point....  
  
Malfoy boy: *Looks from Super Snape to Lupin Lad to Harry, then back to Super Snape* Fine!  
  
ONE HOUR LATER....  
  
Harry: Here we are! Tesco! (for those that don't know what Tesco is, it's like a Wallmart kinda thing, or so i've been told...and sorry if wallmart is spelt wrong....on with the story!)  
  
Super Snape: Tes...co?  
  
Lupin Lad: Isn't it marvellous?  
  
Harry: *Runs up to Lupin Lad* Tag! You're it! *Runs into Tesco, giggling*  
  
Lupin Lad: *Runs after Harry*  
  
Super Snape and Malfoy boy cautiously walk in and look around at all the muggles with their trolleys.  
  
Malfoy boy: Harry? What are those....  
  
Lupin Lad speeds past with a trolley, and Harry is sat in it.  
  
Lupin Lad: Sandwich section ahoy!  
  
Harry: Full steam ahead!  
  
Super Snape and Malfoy boy slowly walk after them. But then suddenly Super Snape stops dead.  
  
Malfoy boy: What is it?  
  
Super Snape: Look over there. *points towards a checkout* Is that.....  
  
Malfoy boy: Jenni Piech?  
  
MEANWHILE....  
  
Lupin Lad and Harry are desparately searching through sandwichs, trying to find the special Tuna sandwich.  
  
Lupin Lad: I know he hid it here! I know it!  
  
Harry: I think i....no...wait...it's prawn...yuck!  
  
BACK AT THE CHECKOUTS....  
  
Super Snape: Look at her! So beautiful, and talented, and funny...and modest too. I'm in love with her and i'm going to marry her....  
  
AT THE SANDWICH SECTION....  
  
Lupin Lad: *sigh* it's no use! Maybe the plan was all wrong...  
  
Harry: NEVER, i say NEVER, speak ill of the plan.  
  
Lupin Lad: Well it's not here, is it?! *Sits down on the floor*  
  
Suddenly Lupin Lad is hit by a trolley....  
  
Lupin Lad: Hey! Watch where you're....*looks up* Poof?!  
  
The Incredible Poof: Uh oh.....oh, i just remembered, i left the dog in the car and didn't open the window *tries to run off*  
  
Lupin Lad: Oh no you don't!  
  
Lupin Lad runs after The Incredible Poof and tackles him to the ground.  
  
Lupin Lad: Where did you hide my sandwich?!!  
  
The Incredible Poof: I'm not telling you!  
  
Harry runs up and stamps on The Incredible Poofs face.  
  
Harry: Tell him! Or i'll do it again!  
  
The Incredible Poof: Not my beautiful face! Ok ok! I'll tell you! It's over there! I sold it to that girl with the hat at the Deli.  
  
Lupin Lad gets off of the Poof and he and Harry race over to the Deli.  
  
BACK AT THE CHECKOUTS...  
  
Super Snape...and it'll be the most beautiful ring ever, and she'll say "Oh yes Super Snape! I will marry you!". And then we'll passionately kiss and.....Malfoy boy? *looks around* Where'd he go?  
  
AT THE DELI...  
  
Malfoy boy is talking to Melanie, the girl at the Deli who brought the special Tuna sandwich....  
  
Malfoy boy: So, yeah, i am VERY rich.....  
  
Melanie: Mmm hmmm *tries to get on with her job*  
  
Malfoy boy: You know, that hat really suits you....  
  
Melanie: Um....good.....  
  
Suddenly Lupin Lad and Harry come running up.  
  
Lupin Lad: You're the hat with the girl.....i mean, the girl with the hat! Did a Poof just sell you a sandwich????  
  
Melanie: Yes, but.......  
  
Harry: We need it!  
  
Melanie: Well, so do i! Have you tasted the food in the staff canteen??? It's grim!  
  
Lupin Lad: But you don't understand!! We....  
  
Melanie reveals the sandwich and (in slow motion) raises it up to her mouth, preparing to take a bite.  
  
Lupin Lad: (still slow motion) Nooooooooooo *runs forward*  
  
Harry: Yooooooouuu caaaaannn'tttt eeeaaaaattttt ttthhaaaaaaaatt.....  
  
Lupin Lad tackles Melanie and steals the sandwich from her. Suddenly, time goes back to normal speed.  
  
Lupin Lad: I got it!  
  
Malfoy boy: I think you may have killed Melanie!!!!!!  
  
Lupin Lad: *looks down at a crushed looking unconcious Melanie* You may be right.  
  
Harry: Her hat's on fire too!  
  
Lupin Lad: This would be the perfect time for a quick exit!  
  
Lupin Lad grabs the trolley and Harry hops in.  
  
Lupin Lad: You too Malfoy boy!  
  
Malfoy boy: You're not strong enough to push us both!  
  
Lupin Lad: *light bulb appears above his head* I have an idea! *eats the sandwich and is now super strong!!!*  
  
Malfoy boy hops into the trolley and Lupin Lad zooms out of the shop, picking Super Snape up on the way.  
  
Super Snape: But.....Jenni.....  
  
Lupin Lad: No time for that now! I think i just killed a Deli girl!  
  
Is Melanie really dead, or just critically ill? What happened to The Incredible Poof?  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	17. Biff! Zow! Cack!

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "BIFF! ZOW! CACK!"  
  
Super Snape: Look, we can't hide in this broom cupboard forever. I doubt that you killed that girl, you probably just squashed her abit, that's all. Besides...someone keeps farting... *looks at Harry*  
  
Harry: I told you! It's not me! *folds his arms and sulks*  
  
Lupin Lad: I don't wanna be arrested! And for the 100th time! It's not a broom cupboard, it's a...  
  
Malfoy boy/Super Snape/Harry: Special HQ, more special than Super Snape and Malfoy boys. You know why it's so special? Because I have Jaffa cakes, and THEY don't....  
  
Lupin Lad: Yes! Exactly!  
  
Super Snape: *sigh*  
  
Malfoy boy: I need a wee!  
  
Lupin Lad: So did i.  
  
Malfoy boy: Did?  
  
Everyones eyes travel down to a wet patch on Lupin Lads trousers.  
  
Malfoy boy: OH my God....i gotta get outta here!  
  
Malfoy boy breaks down the door and runs off to the toilet. Super Snape and Harry leave aswell.  
  
Lupin Lad: You can't go! You can't leave me like this!!  
  
Harry: Like what? With pee on your trousers?  
  
Super Snape and Harry laugh as they walk off.  
  
*Sad music begins to play*  
  
Lupin Lad: *sob* I didn't mean to kill Melinda....  
  
Someone from the audience: *cough*Melanie*cough*  
  
Lupin Lad: Melissa...  
  
Someone from the audience: Melanie!  
  
Lupin Lad: Matilda...  
  
Someone from the audience: Ah forget it....*walks off*  
  
Lupin Lad: ...it was just a horrible mistake! I don't want to go to Azkaban! *sobs some more*  
  
MEANWHILE....  
  
Malfoy boy has taken a whizz and is now walking down the corridor towards HQ.  
  
Malfoy boy: Nothin like a good old emptying of the bladder.....Dad?! What are you doing here???  
  
The Incredible Poof: Where's Lupin Lad, Son?  
  
Malfoy boy: I'm not telling you! You thief!  
  
The Incredible Poof: *gasp* I should cane your backside for that remark! But instead, i shall silently search the school for my arch-enemy..... *slinks off*  
  
Malfoy boy: I hope that's not hereditary.....*continues walking down the corridor*  
  
BACK AT LUPIN LAD'S HQ....  
  
Lupin Lad: Poor dead Mortisha....  
  
The Incredible Poof: AHA! There you are!  
  
Lupin Lad: Ah great!  
  
The Incredible Poof: Is that pee is see?  
  
Lupin Lad: That is right, you see pee.  
  
The Incredible Poof: You wet yourself? Yourself is wet!  
  
Lupin Lad: To the toilet i could not get.  
  
The Incredible Poof: I laugh at you, and your pee-stained pants!  
  
Lupin Lad: Oh look here comes a trail of ants!  
  
The Incredible Poof: A trail of ants? I do not care! For you have wet your underwear!  
  
Lupin Lad: Underwear? But i wear none!  
  
The Incredible Poof: Well....ah...um....forget it, i'm gunna kill you before you can tell Admiral Important i stole your sandwich!  
  
Suddenly a fight breaks out!!!  
  
BIFF! WALLOP!  
  
Lupin Lad: Ow my face!  
  
ZOW! KERBAP!  
  
The Incredible Poof: OW! My privates!  
  
CACK! MERANG!  
  
Lupin Lad: My Bum!  
  
PLOP! BASH!  
  
The Incredible Poof: Not my hat!!! *runs after his hat that has been thrown down the corridor*  
  
Lupin Lad runs off whilst The Incredible Poof is distracted.  
  
Lupin Lad: Gotta find a new pair of trousers!!!  
  
The Incredible Poof: Hey! *Puts his hat back on* I'm not finished with you yet!!!  
  
The Incredible Poof sprints after Lupin Lad. He chases him through the corridors, up and down flights of stairs, out onto the grounds, over the hills and far away, and back again.  
  
The Incredible Poof: *Out of breath* Ergh! Just let me catch you!  
  
Lupin Lad: *Also out of breath* Never!  
  
They continue running until the run into Admiral Important (literally).  
  
Admiral Important: Lupin Lad? Mr Malfoy? What ARE you doing??  
  
The Incredible Poof: *laughs nervously* Just a friendly game of Tag. Haha. *Tags Lupin Lad* Tag! You're it!  
  
Lupin Lad: *doesn't move*  
  
The Incredible Poof: I think you need to see an optician, didn't you hear me? You're it!  
  
Lupin Lad: *Still doesn't move* Admiral, The Incredible Poof stole....  
  
The Incredible Poof: *Covers Lupin Lads mouth with his hand*Haha! Silly thing! He hasn't had his doughnuts today, he's a bit irritable...Come along Lupin Lad...*drags him away*  
  
A LITTLE WHILE LATER...  
  
The Incredible Poof: If you EVER tell the Admiral about that sandwich...i'll kill Malfoy boy!  
  
Lupin Lad: Surely that would be a punishment for yourself....  
  
The Incredible Poof: *thinks* Oh yeah....I'll kill Super Snape!  
  
Lupin Lad: Coz i simply couldn't bare to live without all his insults and smart-alec remarks and greasy hair and him using my razor without asking.....  
  
The Incredible Poof: Ok ok! *Thinks some more* I'll steal....your....pogo stick?...  
  
Lupin Lad: *gasps in dismay* Um..i mean...go ahead....  
  
The Incredible Poof: Too late! I found your weakness! If you EVER tell, your pogo stick is history!  
  
Lupin Lad is now torn between telling Admiral Important and putting The Incredible Poof back in jail, and the safety of his beloved Pogo stick.  
  
What will he do?  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	18. Grandpa Malfoy

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "GRANDPA MALFOY"  
  
A week has gone by, and Lupin Lad has been forced to go to court for a court case thingy against The Incredible Poof. Lupin Lad, of course, has no idea what to wear, for he has never been to a court case before. After much thought, he decides to wear his best orange trousers, his smartest rainbow polka-dotted shirt, and his favourite purple bowler hat which he inherited from his great uncle Morris.  
  
The court-room fills up and Lupin Lad is feeling nervous.  
  
Lupin Lads thoughts: I can't risk the safety of my dear pogo stick, and yet, and yet, The Incredible Poof belongs in jail. I am hungry. That lady is fat. End transmission.  
  
Judge: Order in the court!  
  
Everyone continues talking.  
  
Judge: I said order in the court!  
  
Still, they keep talking.  
  
Judge: SHUT YOUR WORD-HOLES!  
  
Everyone shuts their word-holes.  
  
Judge: Now, because i have no idea what a judge does in court, i will open the court for discussion. By that i mean, i will sit here, and you can all do whatever, and then at the end i will make a surprising verdict.  
  
Super Snape: *stands up* I think The Incredible Poof should be thrown back into jail!  
  
The Incredible Poof: *shakes his fist*  
  
Malfoy boy: Me too!  
  
Murmur, murmur, murmur......  
  
Ben, The Incredible Poofs well-paid lawyer, stands up.  
  
Ben: I think The Incredible Poof is innocent, and should therefore not go to jail.  
  
Murmur, murmur, murmur.....  
  
Judge: If i can just butt-in here for a moment....what exactly did Mr.Poof do?  
  
Everyone is unsure.  
  
Judge: *mumbles* Jesus Christ.......  
  
Super Snape: Lupin Lad! Tell them what he did!  
  
Lupin Lad suddenly starts to fidget.  
  
The Incredible Poof mouths the words "Pogo stick gets it!".  
  
Lupin Lad: Eep! I mean.....he's done a number of things......like....buy a hat.....must buy a new hat! See ya!  
  
Judge: Sit down Mr.Lupin!  
  
Lupin Lad: Dang it!  
  
Suddenly the doors of the court-room burst open and in walks a feeble looking old man with a walking stick. At first, only his siloheutte can be seen, but as he (very slowly) walks into the room, his identity is revealed.  
  
The Incredible Poof: Dad?!?!  
  
Malfoy boy: Grandpa!!!  
  
Malfoy boy rushes up to give his Grandpa a hug.  
  
Grandpa Malfoy: No, no. Don't touch me. I'll fall over.  
  
Malfoy boy: *grins cheekily* Ok Grandpa!  
  
Grandpa Malfoy eventually makes it to the witness stand, and sits down. All is quiet.  
  
Malfoy boy: Grandpa?  
  
Grandpa Malfoy: Oh sorry, dozed off for a second. When's breakfast?  
  
Malfoy boy: We're in court Grandpa.  
  
Grandpa Malfoy: Oh yes, yes! I remember!  
  
The Incredible Poof: Dad, please go away.  
  
Grandpa Malfoy: *points at his son* Not until you're in jail!  
  
Murmur, murmur, murmur.......  
  
The Incredible Poof: *laughs* Dad! He doesn't know what he's saying....  
  
Grandpa Malfoy: My son, the poofy one, over there, *points to verify which one*, he stole this poor lads sandwich.....  
  
Lupin Lad: *gasps in amazment*  
  
The Incredible Poof: How. Dare. You!  
  
Grandpa Malfoy: How dare i indeed...  
  
The Incredible Poof: This is ridiculous! How the hell would you know?  
  
Grandpa Malfoy: I'm a secret agent.....  
  
The Incredible Poof: For crying out loud! *trails off*  
  
Judge: Do you have any proof that your son stole Lupin Lads sandwich?  
  
Grandpa Malfoy: Well, i.....damn it! I knew i'd forgotten something!!  
  
Judge: Well, i have no other choice.....I hereby sentence Lupin Lad to a year in prison. Because The Incredible Poof has a well-paid, corrupt-minded lawyer, and Lupin Lad foolishly chose to represent himself. *Bangs his hammer down on the desk*  
  
Lupin Lad: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Super Snape: How did this happen?!  
  
The Incredible Poof: Because i'm rich, and he's poor. Rich people always win. *Laughs evilly*  
  
Super Snape: You fiend! You...you horrid, filthly....  
  
Malfoy boy: Ugly, sneeking....  
  
Ben: Devilishly handsome....  
  
Super Snape: No good scoundrel!!!!  
  
The Incredible Poof: Yes. Exactly.  
  
Grandpa Malfoy: You missed out gay....  
  
The Incredible Poof: Shut it Dad! Come along Ben!  
  
Ben and The Incredible Poof leave the room, and the dementors come to take Lupin Lad to Azkaban.  
  
Lupin Lad: No! You can't do this! I won't be silly any more! I'll wear normal clothes! I'll conform to the rules! I'll do anything! Just don't make me go to Azkaban!!  
  
Lupin Lad is taken away.  
  
Malfoy boy starts to cry. Super Snape puts his arm around him.  
  
Grandpa Malfoy: I knew this day was going to turn out to be a stinker!  
  
Malfoy boy: *sniff* We have to try to save him! *sniff*  
  
Super Snape: But how? *wipes away a tear*  
  
Yeah! Exactly! How? How could this have happened? Is this really the end for Lupin Lad?  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	19. Guys in drag, ahoy!

A/N: Thankyou to G.Lo for the Drag idea ^_^ ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "GUYS IN DRAG, AHOY!"  
  
After the shocking news that Lupin Lad has been condemned to a year in Azkaban, Hogwarts is feeling a little glum.  
  
Malfoy boy: *sighs* I feel glum.  
  
Super Snape: *breaks down in tears and runs off*  
  
Harry: I still can't believe it....he's gone.....  
  
Malfoy boy: What are you doing here?  
  
Harry: *shrugs*  
  
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK  
  
Malfoy boy: Make yourself useful, and open the door.  
  
Harry: Okay.  
  
Harry opens the door and Admiral Important is standing there. Standing next to him is Dumbledore.  
  
Dumbledore: Hello Harry. *His eyes twinkle*  
  
Harry: Well howdy doody Admiral, and a howdy doody to you too Dumbledore.  
  
Harry lets the two men in, and they sit down. Malfoy boy and Harry look at them for a moment.  
  
Malfoy boy: What did you come for?  
  
Dumbledore: Where's Super Snape?  
  
Harry: He's crying like a girl.  
  
Super Snape: Am not! *sniff*  
  
Admiral Important: Ah, Super Snape. Just the man i was looking for.  
  
Dumbledore: Something very exciting is about to happen at Hogwarts! *More twinkling of the eyes*  
  
Malfoy boy: Well, we could use some excitment. Everyone's glum.  
  
Harry: I'm a BIG fan of excitment.  
  
Dumbledore: Hogwarts is to host the....  
  
Admiral Important: Annual Men in Drag Competition!  
  
Everyone is lost for words.  
  
Dumbledore: Isn't that just spiffy!  
  
Malfoy boy: Spiffy?......  
  
Super Snape: That's going to help...HOW!?  
  
Dumbledore: It's just a bit of fun. I'll be entering. How about you?  
  
Super Snape: Pfft! No!  
  
Malfoy boy: Well i might.....i mean. No way! *Tries to look manly*  
  
Harry: Oh what the hell! I will!  
  
Dumbledore: Great! It's in three days. *holds up four fingers* Got that! Three days! See you then.  
  
THREE DAYS LATER.  
  
Weasel Kid: You look like a girl!  
  
Harry: Er...that's the point! Weird snot!  
  
Brain Queen: Hey, has anyone seen Malfoy boy?  
  
Harry: No, actually.  
  
Brain Queen: How queer......  
  
Everyone makes their way to the Great Hall, where a large catwalk has been built. The guys in drag line up backstage.  
  
Seamus: Ah, Harry! You look very nice!  
  
Harry: Oh, why thankyou. You do too.  
  
Seamus: I notice you've shaved your legs.  
  
Harry: Well i had to really, with a skirt like this. *Harry is wearing a ridiculously short skirt. And what's even more ridiculous is; it suits him*  
  
Seamus: So who else is entering?  
  
Harry: I'm not sure....  
  
They look around. The Incredible Poof is there (obviously!), along with his sexy lawyer, Ben. Both look like...well...men in drag..... . Suddenly they both look away in disgust.  
  
Harry: Was that who i thought it was?  
  
Seamus: Professor Flitwick........  
  
Suddenly they spot a young boy, around the same age as themselves. He looks...well, there's only one word to describe it..GORGEOUS! He's wearing a sparkly mask over his eyes. Although both Harry and Seamus pride themselves on their straightness, they can't help but find this boy attractive.  
  
Announcing voice, which belongs to Admiral Important: Drag Queens get ready, the show is about to begin!  
  
MEANWHILE, IN THE AUDIENCE  
  
Super Snape: I can't believe i'm here...*turns to a pretty woman next to him* Hi  
  
Woman (in a manly voice): Hi  
  
Super Snape: Wha..tha..pff...Lupin Lad?!  
  
Lupin Lad: Shh! Call me Helga von Trap.  
  
Super Snape: Er...ok. What are you doing here, Helga?  
  
Lupin Lad: Helga von Trap.  
  
Super Snape: Whatever!  
  
Lupin Lad: I escaped last night, using a contraption made entirely of spoons....the Dementors are stupider than they are scary. Also, i ate a gherkin for breakfast.  
  
Super Snape: What if you get caught?  
  
Lupin Lad: I won't.  
  
Super Snape: How can you be so sure?  
  
Lupin Lad: Helga von Trap is always sure....  
  
Super Snape: Um.......ok.......  
  
Admiral Important: Ladies and Gentlemen, and Frank the rabbit, welcome to the ANNUAL MEN IN DRAG COMPETITION!  
  
Everyone claps.  
  
Admiral: First up we have our very own headmaster... ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!  
  
The audience claps and "Woo!'s" as Dumbledore steps out onto the catwalk, wearing a lovely frilly, flowery dress, and a blonde wig.  
  
One by one the guys in drag step out onto the catwalk. Soon only Harry, Seamus and the mysterious, gorgeous boy are left.  
  
Admiral Important: Next we have....SEAMUS FINNIGAN!  
  
Harry: Good luck!  
  
Seamus: Cheers.  
  
Seamus steps out onto the catwalk and is met with applause.  
  
A SHORT MOMENT LATER  
  
Admiral Imporant: And now we have...er...ANON!  
  
The mysterious boy walks over to get onto the catwalk.  
  
Harry: Hey, good luck out there!  
  
Anon: Thanks!  
  
Harry: That voice sounds strangely familiar....what a minute! It's.....  
  
BACK IN THE AUDIENCE  
  
Lupin Lad: I should despise The Incredible Poof, but you have to admit it, he did look rather amazing.....  
  
Super Snape: He was on half an hour ago! So just stop talking about him! Please!  
  
Admiral Important: And last, but by no means least, HARRY POTTER!  
  
Harry steps out and the Hall floods with clapping and Woo!-ing.  
  
Lupin Lad: Core blimey Harry! Work that skirt!  
  
Harry struts his stuff down the catwalk. When he gets to the end of the runway, he bends over slightly, places his finger on the corner of his mouth and looks seductively innocent.  
  
Lupin Lad: He's a natural!  
  
Super Snape: *shudders* Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts....  
  
LATER ON, WHEN THE SHOW HAS FINISHED  
  
Admiral Important: And the winner is....*opens envelope* It's a tie! ANON AND HARRY POTTER!!!  
  
Brain Queen: I can't see Malfoy boy anywhere....  
  
Weasel Kid: Nor can i  
  
Harry and "Anon" make their way to the end of the runway to met Admiral Important. He hands them a trophy each, and a small bag of galleons. Everyone applaudes.  
  
Admiral Important: So, Anon, are you ready to reveal your identity to the world.....  
  
Anon: *In a hushed voice* You said i didn't have to!  
  
Admiral Important: I say alot of things! *yanks the mask off of Anons face*  
  
Everyone gasps. "Anon" is no longer anon, and he goes red.  
  
Who is Anon? Is it obvious? Is it unobvious? Why did Lupin Lad decide to disguise himself as a woman? The Incredible Poof and Ben have spent a long time in the mens loo's, what are they up to?  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	20. Blow me down!

^_^ 20TH ANNIVERSARY EPISODE!! Yay!!!!!! ^_^  
  
The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "BLOW ME DOWN!"  
  
When we last left our heros, everyone was gathered at the Annual Men in Drag Competition, and "Anon" had been officially un-anoned.  
  
Super Snape: Oh my gosh! Look who it is!  
  
Lupin Lad: Blow me down with a feather duster and call me Helga von Trap!  
  
Seamus: It's Malfoy boy!  
  
Malfoy boy is in stunned silence, and has gone very red, Weasley-style.  
  
The Incredible Poof: *sniff* I'm so proud! *sniff* My son, a drag queen! *sniff*  
  
Ben: That is, like, so totally great.  
  
Admiral Important: Take your money then! We can't stand here all day! A round of applause for Harry and Malfoy boy!!  
  
Everyone claps.  
  
Malfoy boy: *faints*  
  
HALF AN HOUR LATER  
  
Malfoy boy: Wha... Where am i .....  
  
Harry: You're in the hospital wing. You fainted.  
  
Malfoy boy: *suddenly remembers everyone saw him in drag* OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! *screams*  
  
Harry: Don't worry! No one thinks anything of it. Everyone thought you were totally hot!  
  
Malfoy boy: *stops screaming* Really?  
  
Harry: *nods*  
  
Malfoy boy: Wicked! Hang on.... who's that!? *points to a weird looking woman stealing grapes from a bowl on his bed side table*  
  
Harry: *whispers* Thats Lupin Lad.  
  
Lupin Lad: HELGA VON TRAP!!!!!  
  
Harry: Ok! Ok!  
  
Malfoy boy: But why... Actually, i don't wanna know!  
  
SUDDENLY!  
  
Loopy Lockhart bounds through the door in his kangaroo costume!  
  
All: Loopy Lockhart!  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Yep. That's me!  
  
Super Snape: Why are you here?  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Well, i don't want to alarm you...but....  
  
Malfoy boy: But what?  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Well......  
  
Harry: Well what??  
  
Loopy Lockhart: The thing is......  
  
Super Snape: Spit it out you goon!!  
  
Loopy Lockhart: *takes a deep breath* George Bush and Colin Powell, along with their faithful sidekick, Tony Blair, are here to inspect the school because they believe we're hiding weapons of massive destruction and they want to overthrow Dumbledore and replace him with a monkey with extraordinary computer skills.  
  
*Silence*  
  
Malfoy boy: Thats a load of sh.....  
  
Loopy Lockhart: The monkey can also make scotch eggs!!!!!  
  
Super Snape: For the love of Pete, NO!!!! I'll be ruined!!!!  
  
Harry: This is so bizarre.....  
  
Seamus: I can't believe it. Can you, my little potatoe friends?  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Son, i reckon if those potatoes could talk, they'd say "No".  
  
Super Snape: Well, i think there's a simple solution to all of this.....  
  
They all look at Super Snape.  
  
Super Snape: We just tell them we don't have any weapons of mass destruction! Because..... we don't!!!!  
  
Malfoy boy: You think they'll believe us?  
  
Super Snape: I'm positive.......  
  
THE NEXT DAY  
  
Super Snape: They what!?!?  
  
Admiral Important: They said you were a stuck up, tea-slurping, bangers and mash-eating, no good, lying english dork.  
  
Super Snape: That's.... just.......terrible.....  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Nevermind, Super Snape, even the best of us occasionally eats bangers and mash, it's nothing to be ashamed of......  
  
Super Snape: I don't eat it! And even if i did, i wouldn't be ashamed! I just mean that......  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Sausages and mash go perfectly together, so why not eat it? With some gravy... mmmm... or with some beans.......  
  
Super Snape: I can't handle you right now, i'm going to my office to have some tea.....  
  
THE NEXT DAY  
  
George Bush: Howdy y'all. Got any pretzels?  
  
Colin Powell: *whispers* D'you think that's wise, Sir? After what happened last time.....  
  
George: Nonsense. Gimme a pretzel!  
  
Admiral Important: I'm afraid we don't have any pretzels......  
  
Malfoy boy: How about a Jammie Dodger?  
  
George: Jammie Dodger? What it god's name are you on about boy?  
  
Tony Blair: A Jammie Dodger is a biscuit and it has, like a sticky jammy centre.....  
  
George: Did i ask you to speak???  
  
Tony: No, Sir.  
  
George: Then hush your god damn mouth!  
  
Tony: *pouts*  
  
Admiral Important: *ahem* Shall we start the inspection then?  
  
Colin: Yes, i think we shall. BOYS!  
  
Suddenly, a hundred armed men leap through the windows and flood through the doors, they appear from cupboards, under the carpets, out of Malfoy boys trousers, etc. They storm down the corridor, leaving Admiral Important and the rest standing, surrounded by shattered glass.  
  
Malfoy boy: Oh..... my..... God! Did you see that!?  
  
Admiral Important: There's so many of them......  
  
Malfoy boy: One came out of my trousers!!!!!!  
  
Harry: Why do they think we're hiding weapons anyway!?  
  
Malfoy boy: ONE CAME OUT OF MY TROUSERS!!!!  
  
Admiral Important: *shrugs*  
  
Super Snape: They better not ruin our office!  
  
Everyone gives Super Snape a "Yeah, Right!" look.  
  
Super Snape: Oh.... poo!  
  
Malfoy boy: My.... trousers......  
  
Loopy Lockhart bounds down the corridor and sees all the smashed windows.  
  
Loopy Lockhart: What HAPPENED!  
  
Malfoy boy: A man..... bigger than me.....came out of my... BLOODY TROUSERS!  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Mmm. But look at the windows!!  
  
Suddenly they hear a cry of victory come from further down the corridor. They all run down to see whats happening.  
  
Armed American: We found it! We found it! We found it!  
  
Another Armed American: This is like, the first time we've ever been RIGHT about anything!!  
  
George: Well done boys!  
  
Tony: Yeah, well done!  
  
George: Shush!  
  
Super Snape: What on earth did you find?!  
  
The armed men reveal what they found.  
  
Harry: THAT'S NOT A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION!! THATS NEVILLE!!!!!  
  
Armed American: That's what you call 'em, eh?  
  
Suddenly, a ringing sound, like a phone, issues from somewhere on Georges wrist. Everyone except George seems to notice it.  
  
Colin: Uh... Sir? Your communicator....  
  
George: Yep, it's right here on mah wrist...  
  
Colin: It's ringing Sir.  
  
George: Oh right! Silly me! *presses a button on a thing that looks like a watch* Howdy! *A voice with a French accent is heard from the other end* Oh it's you! Yes we found the weapon! You wanna see it? Fine. *sticks his wrist out so it faces Neville, then talks into it again* What do you mean, that's not a weapon?? You're just jealous because you said that there wasn't any weapons, but there is! Right there! *points at Neville*  
  
Neville: *looks scared*  
  
George: Anyway, we have to dispose of this weapon. Ar revoor!  
  
Super Snape: Actually, it's "au revoir", and who was that anyway?  
  
George: The guy who runs France, i forgot his name.....  
  
Super Snape: You forgot his name??.....  
  
George: It's easily done, they got weird names over there!  
  
Neville: I... I... I'm not.....  
  
Tony: Ohmygod! *hides behind Colin* The weapon is speaking!  
  
Harry: He's not a weapon! Cmon Neville!  
  
Neville: I...I....I....  
  
Malfoy boy: *thinks fast* Uh.... Only we can stop the weapon from exploding!! You need to give it to us, or we'll all die!!!  
  
Neville: Yeah... Uh.... I'm gunna explode!!  
  
Super Snape: For the love of all that is good! Give us the weapon!!  
  
Neville: 10......9......8......  
  
George: *screams* ARGH! What do we do?!  
  
Neville: ...7.....6......5.....4.....  
  
Colin: Um.....uh....  
  
Neville: ..3.......2.....  
  
What will become of Neville??? Will he explode?? Wait... of course he won't, he's not a weapon, duh! Will Dumbledore be replaced by a monkey with extraordinary computer skills?  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	21. Federico the monkey!

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "FEDERICO THE MONKEY!"  
  
Harry: Well done Neville! You got rid of the Americans,....and that dork that runs our Country!  
  
Malfoy boy: *ahem!* I was the one that thought of the exploding idea......  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Three cheers for Neville! Hip hip  
  
All: Hooray!  
  
Malfoy boy: But i....  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Hip hip  
  
All: Hooray!  
  
Malfoy boy: And a man came out of my trousers!!!  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Hip hip  
  
All: Hooray!  
  
Malfoy boy: *folds arms* Stupid school....  
  
They suddenly hear a far off distant voice.  
  
Voice: HELP! HELP! I'M BEING REPLACED!  
  
Super Snape: That sound's like....  
  
Harry: Dumbledore!  
  
Malfoy boy: To the SnapeandMalfoymobile!  
  
*Does that thing it does in batman. You know what i mean...*  
  
They arrive at Dumbledores office.  
  
Super Snape: Hello, Dumbledore, are you in there?  
  
Loopy Lockhart: I hope he's ok! *does a worried face*  
  
Malfoy boy: *slowly opens the door* Profes- ARGH!  
  
Harry: It's a monkey!  
  
Loopy Lockhart: And he has COMPUTER SKILLS!  
  
They all cower, except for Lupin Lad who walks right up to the monkey.  
  
Lupin Lad: Hey, i'm Lupin Lad, i'm a bit of a legend around here, you may have heard of me. Who are you?  
  
Monkey: Federico my name is. And taking the role of headmaster i am.  
  
Weasel Kid: He sounds like Yoda! Hehe  
  
Brain Queen: Does not!  
  
Weasel Kid: Does too!  
  
Brain Queen: Does not!  
  
Weasel Kid: Does not!  
  
Brain Queen: Does too! Wait....Dang it!  
  
Super Snape: Fed, can i call you Fed? Where has Dumbledore been taken too?  
  
Federico: Know, i do not.  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Is there any chance that you could talk normally?  
  
Federico: Yeah sure, why not? I've always been willing to try new things. I'm pretty open minded. You know you guys had that Drag contest a while back? I would've entered but i had a dentist appointment that day.  
  
Harry: Bummer.  
  
Federico: Who is?  
  
Everyone glances slightly in Malfoy Boys direction but then almost immediately looks back.  
  
Lupin Lad: Will you help us find Dumbledore, oh wise monkey you?  
  
Federico: Do i *look* as though i have time to find him? I have a blinking school to run!....  
  
Super Snape: Hey hey! Children may be reading! Keep the cussing to a minimum, ya dig?  
  
Federico: Ok, right on.  
  
Loopy Lockhart: So now we have to formulate a plan! Which will be kind of difficult considering we don't know WHO took Dumbledore, WHERE they took him, WHY they took him, WHO took him, WHERE they took him, HOW they took him, or even WHO took him!!!!  
  
Lupin Lad: Woah, calm down Loopy. We don't want you to have a heart attack, or an asthma attack, or any other attack for that matter.  
  
Harry: What, like a swarm of bees attack?  
  
Lupin Lad: Exactly!  
  
Neville: Are you all thickos or something? We *know* who took Dumbledore! It was President Bush and Tony Blair! And that other dude, who can't pronounce his name correctly!  
  
Super Snape: You're right Neville. What a marvellous change!  
  
Neville: *beams*  
  
Malfoy boy: Okay, so what do we do now?  
  
Lupin Lad: Isn't it obvious?  
  
Federico: Apparently not....  
  
Lupin Lad: We go to America of course! And rescue Alby!  
  
So they all board a plane to go to the United States of America. None of them have been to the U.S before, and when they get off of the plane, they are genuinely scared for their lives.  
  
Malfoy boy: What in God's name is that?  
  
Super Snape: I looks like some sort of beached whale.... only, we're miles away from the coast.  
  
Lupin Lad: I think it's a man!  
  
They all shudder.  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Ok! So! Which way to the White House!  
  
Harry: It's right there! *points to a big white house, right in front of them*  
  
Loopy Lockhart: Oh yeah, hehe!  
  
So they all sneak up to the front door on tip toes, possibly forgetting it's the middle of the day. Fornutately, the guards are conveniently asleep, so they all sneak inside.  
  
Malfoy boy: *whispers* How convenient!  
  
When they get inside, they hear two pairs of footsteps approaching. They all quickly hide in big vases, pose as statues, borrow cleaners outfits, etc.  
  
George Bush: Well Colin, Dumbledore is safely hidden away in that secret place! Mwahahahahahahaa!  
  
Colin Powell: And where is that secret place again, Sir?  
  
George Bush: Don't be silly, Colin! There could be intruders, who are cleverly hidden away, listening to our every word.  
  
Suddenly, Tony Blair comes running along.  
  
Tony: Hey George, George! Dumbledore says he'd like some more sandwichs. Remember? He's the guy hidden in the underground room? Remember, George, remember? The room which is down one flight of stairs, then you take the first left, and then you go down the corridor until you reach the very end? Remember? Well *he* wants more sandwichs.... or was it Lasagne? *ponders*  
  
George: *smacks himself in the head* Stupid Tony!  
  
Tony: Sowwy! *pouts*  
  
George: *sighs* Anyway, let's go finish that game of monopoly we started!  
  
Colin: Excellent idea, Sir!  
  
Tony: Weeeeeeee!  
  
Now the gang know where Dumbledore is being held. Will they be able to sneak him out without being noticed? Because, after all, there are *alot* of them. There's, Malfoy boy, Super Snape, Lupin Lad, Loopy Lockhart, Harry, Weasel kid, Brain Queen and Neville! Why did *all* of them go anyway??  
  
Find out in the next installment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	22. Random Christmas Special!

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "RANDOM CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!"  
  
Just pretend that everything from the last episode got sorted out, and now everyone is getting into the festive mood. (I do apologise).  
  
Malfoy boy: *sings* Simply having a wonderful Christmas time..  
  
Harry: *sings* So this is Christmas.  
  
Brain Queen: *sings* Snow is falling, all around me, children playing, having fun..  
  
Seamus: *sings* Have a cheeky Christmas time..  
  
Malfoy boy: *throws a loaf of bread at Seamus's head* Don't sing that crap in my presence! Foo'!  
  
Super Snape: *comes through the door* Did someone say. presents?  
  
*canned laughter*  
  
Harry: No. He said *presence*.  
  
Super Snape: Aw dang...  
  
Malfoy boy: But we'll have presents soon, Super Snape. It is after all only --insert how many days until Christmas-- days til Christmas.  
  
Seamus: That's true! *sings* It's a hot hot Christmas night...  
  
Malfoy boy: SHUT UP!!!  
  
Seamus: I apologise!  
  
Suddenly theres a knock at the door. It's Admiral Important, boys and girls, and he has gifts!!!!!  
  
Admiral Important: Ha Ha Ha!  
  
Super Snape: *whispers behind his hand* It's Ho Ho Ho, Sir.  
  
Admiral Important: No, I was just laughing at Harry's ridiculous Christmas hat!  
  
Harry: *is wearing a huge red Christmas hat which has flashing lights and a warning to epileptics* What? It's a perfectly fine hat!  
  
Admiral Important: You may be the boy who lived, but you're definitely not the boy who... has.. good taste in hats.. Anyway. Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas! I have gifts for y'all!  
  
Malfoy boy: *gasps* Oh my god! He's turned into a yokel!  
  
Admiral Important: Wha. No I have not!  
  
Malfoy boy: Prove it yokel!  
  
Admiral Important: Apples and pears! Dog and bone! Cuppa rosie lee!  
  
Malfoy boy: Ah, good, he can speak cockney rhyming slang, he's English. *phew*  
  
Admiral Important starts handing out the presents, but tells them not to open them before Christmas day.  
  
Harry: Can't we open them now, Admiral?  
  
Admiral Important: No  
  
Brain Queen: Oh please!  
  
Admiral Important: No  
  
Weasel Kid: Oh go on!  
  
Admiral Important: NO!!! God damn you, NO!!  
  
Admiral Important leaves the room in furious anger, and later takes a chill pill.  
  
Super Snape: Well. that sure told us...  
  
Suddenly theres another knock at the door, and this time it's Dumbledore. He wheels in a huge fake cake and places it in the middle of the room.  
  
Harry: Wow, that looks like one of those cakes that people pop out of.  
  
Dumbledore: That's exactly what it is, Harry.  
  
Seamus: Wow, who's it for?  
  
Dumbledore: It's for you, my dear boy.  
  
Weasel Kid: Wow.  
  
Brain Queen: Wow, how many times are we gunna say Wow?  
  
Super Snape: Wow. Six times.  
  
Malfoy boy: Wow, seven. *giggles*  
  
Super Snape: *looks at Malfoy boy in disgust* Grow up.  
  
Malfoy boy: Sowwy. *sniff*  
  
Dumbledore: Seamus, because you're so adorably Irish, you may open the cake right now.  
  
Seamus: Top o' the mornin' to ya!  
  
Seamus approaches the cake, and suddenly the Cheeky girls pop out. Seamus screams with joy.  
  
Malfoy boy: *in slow motion* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
Super Snape: Cover your ears, quick!  
  
Everyone - except Seamus and foolish Harry - duck down onto the floor with their hands firmly over their ears.  
  
Cheeky girls: *sings* Everybody come together, it's a hot hot Christmas night...  
  
Seamus: *claps with joy and can't speak properly* Hu.wizzit.toyp.. ya. bong bing..  
  
Malfoy boy: *in slow motion* Haaaaarrrrrryyyyyyyy, ggggeeeettttt doooooowwwwnnnnn..  
  
Harry: *listens to the song*  
  
Weasel kid: No, Harry, it's not worth it!  
  
Harry: *suddenly collapses into a coma*  
  
Malfoy boy: *in slow-mo* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
Suddenly Lupin Lad bursts through the window, spraying the Cheeky girls with some much needed shattered glass. From his cloak he pulls out a machine gun and fires at the Transylvanian, short skirt-wearing hussies.  
  
Lupin Lad: Put that in your stocking!  
  
Seamus: *screams until he faints*  
  
Everyone cheers and Lupin Lad is hailed as a hero.  
  
Lupin Lad: Thank you, Thank you. It was nothing really. All it took was a machine gun and glass-proof clothing..  
  
Malfoy boy: *in slow-mo* Hooooooooorrrraaaaaaaayyyyy  
  
Super Snape: Oh no, Malfoy boy is stuck in slow-motion.  
  
Malfoy boy: *in slow-mo* Ahhhhhhhh crrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaappppppp  
  
Will Malfoy boy return to normal speed? Who's going to clear up the blood and guts of the Cheeky girls? Will Harry make it through his coma?  
  
Find out in the next instalment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	23. No Tea!

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy  
  
Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for *Da da da daaa* SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important ( He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important ).  
  
Todays adventure : "NO TEA!"  
  
Exactly 2 months, 1 day, 56 minutes and 3 seconds after Harry fell into a coma, he wakes up! He's missed Valentines Day, and Pancake Day, but he hasn't missed Mothers Day, and because of this he is very sorrowful.  
  
Harry: Man, I sure feel sorrowful today.  
  
Malfoy Boy: Oh, stop your complaining! You're lucky we didn't pull the plug on you! We were starting to think that you'd never wake up!  
  
Harry: Plug? What plug?  
  
Malfoy Boy: Never mind...  
  
Harry: Hey! Weren't you cursed with some kind of Slow-motion curse, or summink?  
  
Malfoy Boy: How did you know that? You were comatose!  
  
Harry: Lets just say that a little bird told me *taps his nose with his finger*  
  
Malfoy Boy: *has always despised that saying* Whatever... anyway... I was un- cursed as you can undoubtedly tell... and it all happened a little something like this.....  
  
Suddenly the room goes all blurry and wobbles slightly, making Harry feel ill and, oddly, turns Malfoy Boy on...  
  
Lupin Lad, whose voice is slightly muffled due to the fact that this is a memory scene, walks up to Malfoy Boy.  
  
Lupin Lad: I wish you'd talk *normally*!  
  
Malfoy Boy: Buuuuuuuttt... oh, okay then!  
  
The room stops wobbling and comes into focus. The echo of the voices slowly disappears and Malfoy Boy turns to Harry with a smile.  
  
Harry: *frowns* What was that all about??  
  
Malfoy Boy: I have no idea... tea?  
  
Harry: Please Malfoy Boy: *conjures a tea pot and mug, and begins to pour the tea* Huh? *takes the lid off and looks inside* There's no tea, how frightfully odd!  
  
Harry: You said frightfully...  
  
Malfoy Boy: *looks at Harry* I'm just feeling really English today. But the fact remains that there is no tea! What ever are we to do?  
  
Meanwhile, in the Gryffindor common room....  
  
Weasel Kid: Brain Queen, I've told you thrice already! There is NO TEA!  
  
Brain Queen: But – but – but, but there must be!  
  
Weasel Kid: Brain Queen, I've told you...four times already! There is NO TEA!  
  
Brain Queen: But – but – but, but there must be!  
  
Meanwhile, at HQ....  
  
Super Snape: *looks into his tea cup* Hmmm, odd. There's usually tea in this cup after I tipped the contents of the tea pot into it...*scratches his chin in a clichéd type manner*  
  
Admiral Important: Good job I drink Sprout Juice then! *proceeds to drink Sprout Juice*  
  
Super Snape: *shudders slightly in disgust and tries not to gag* Yes, well, lucky you ay? I wish I had some tea....  
  
MEANWHILE, somewhere in England....  
  
The Queen: Gracious, Philip! There is no tea!  
  
Philip: Do you still throw spears at each other? *chuckles* That was a good one.... WHAT?! NO TEA?!  
  
Queen: That is what I said, Philip.  
  
MEANWHILE, somewhere in America...  
  
Random American: How I love English tea! *drinks the tea*  
  
But, you see, he's WRONG! If it really were English tea he was drinking, there wouldn't actually be any in the cup, because, you see, all the English tea in the world has disappeared! So therefore, Americans don't know how to make proper tea....  
  
Back in the hospital wing, at Harry's bedside.....  
  
Malfoy Boy: I don't *believe* it!  
  
Harry: Bummer....  
  
Malfoy Boy: What did you call me?! Harry: I didn't call you anything! I said bummer! As in, "This situation. Isn't it a bummer."  
  
Malfoy Boy: That's okay then... *looks at Harry*  
  
Harry: *feels uncomfortable* Anyway... uh... lets... lets go to HQ and see if they have any tea....  
  
Malfoy Boy: Good idea dear, I mean... good idea... yes, good idea... *continues to look at Harry*  
  
Harry: *laughs nervously* ahem  
  
Soon Malfoy Boy and Harry are at HQ, they knock on the door, and Super Snape answers it. He sees Malfoy Boy carrying a tea pot.  
  
Super Snape: Oh good! You bought tea!  
  
Malfoy Boy: Actually, no, we don't have any. We came here to get some.  
  
Super Snape: Oh! Well, we don't have any here... *looks sad. Sad like an Englishman without tea, and that's very sad indeed*  
  
Weasel Kid: We don't have any either *turns his tea pot upside down and shakes it for emphasis*  
  
Harry: Where'd you come from?  
  
Brain Queen: We sneaked up behind you, because we're important to the plot...  
  
Malfoy Boy: So *no-one* has any tea?!  
  
Super Snape: Bummer...  
  
Malfoy Boy: Who told – I mean, *looks around* *says calmly* totally.  
  
Everyone gives Malfoy Boy a funny look, and then returns their thoughts to the matter in hand. (A/N Matter in hand? Whose hand? Not my hand that's for sure...)  
  
Suddenly Lupin Lad comes along on his trusty pogo stick, and sees everyone holding tea pots.  
  
Lupin Lad: Wow, and there was I thinking I wouldn't be able to have a cup of tea until I got to my room, but lo and behold, it's a tea convention! *puts on a London orphan-style voice* Spare a cuppa mister?  
  
Super Snape: If you had been here but one minute ago, which you were NOT, you'd know that we have completely run out of tea. In fact, I shall take a wild guess and say that there is no longer any (real) tea left in the whole world!!  
  
Lupin Lad: *falls to his knees, leaving his pogo stick to fall lamely to the ground* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *shakes his fist up at the ceiling* Damn you! Damn you to hell!! *brings his fists down onto the ground and sobs* Damn you! Damn you.... Super Snape: *ahem* My thoughts exactly.  
  
Harry: *suddenly realises the importance of the situation and starts to panic* But, but, tea is what makes us who we are! The English without tea is like.... Is like... the French without wine! The Italians without Pizza! The Japanese without Sushi! The Germans without the prejudicial views that they are all Nazis! *grabs hold of Malfoy Boy's shoulders and continues hysterically* The Swiss without their cheese! The Artic without its roll! The Danish without their pastry! *turns to Super Snape and grabs hold of his robes* It'll be like President Bush without his lack of common sense and intelligence! Like Blair without his big ears and scary grin! The upper- class without their snobbery! Liverpool without its crime rate! Like a country without a flag! A book with no plot! A body without a soul... *places a hand on his chest and looks down sorrowfully*  
  
Everyone remains silent for a moment.  
  
Super Snape: *clears his throat and wipes a tear from his eye* You said it, kid...  
  
Lupin Lad: Our tea is what distinguishes us from the rest of the low-lives.  
  
Weasel Kid: Without tea.... we're nothing.  
  
Malfoy Boy: So we know what we must do....  
  
Lupin Lad: We must watch MTV Cribs!  
  
Super Snape: Um.... No... I think he meant we must fight, to get the tea back...  
  
Lupin Lad: Oh? Oh, yeah, of course...  
  
Suddenly the English flag (not to be confused with the British flag!! *looks scornfully at those who don't know the difference*) unfurls behind Harry, and he stands patriotically in front of it, with one hand on his chest.  
  
Harry: We must fight for our tea! We must be willing as Englishmen *looks at Brain Queen* and Englishwomen to die for the sake of our beloved tea! *The national anthem starts to play... actually, The Sex Pistols "God Save the Queen" starts to play, because it's a lot better....* We must track down the sick, twisted individual who stole our tea, and we must bring that person to justice! I will not rest until the fiends head has been presented to me! Preferably missing its body! Now go, people of England, and find this most repulsive character! Beat him, stab him, rob him, give him wedgies! Do what it takes to get our tea BACK! I bid you, go!  
  
Super Snape: Just, let me get my shoes and socks on, yeah?  
  
Lupin Lad: Bare feet?  
  
Super Snape: *nods*  
  
Lupin Lad: Bummer.  
  
Malfoy Boy's eye twitches.  
  
Will our heroes be able to find the culprit? Will they be able to get back the tea? They better coz I'm dying of thirst over here!!  
  
Find out in the next instalment of :  
  
SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. 


	24. So Ends a Very English Quest!

The Adventures of Super Snape and Malfoy boy

Deep beneath Hogwarts, well, in the dungeons, is the top secret Head Quarters for -Da da da daaa - SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY. Each week, SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY are given a special, and highly important task by someone special and highly important (He is also very secretive, so he goes by the name of Admiral Important).

Todays adventure : "SO ENDS A VERY ENGLISH QUEST!"

When we last left our heroes they were embarking on their quest to find out what had happened to England's supply of tea. That was…. (author checks date of when that episode was published) five whole years ago. In other words, its been a bloody long quest….

We join our heroes at Stonehenge….

Malfoy Boy: There's none over here either!

Harry: And none here!

Super Snape sighs: Well…. We've looked EVERYWHERE, and we just can't find the tea. Perhaps it's finally time to…

Weasel Kid: Noooo (sobs and covers his ears) Noooo, we can't give up! Don't say it! Don't say it! (sobs some more)

Super Snape: What else can we do? The tea isn't here, its not at Buckingham Palace, its not at the Houses of Parliament, its not at the Angel of the North, its not at….. insert more English landmarks here… its not anywhere!

Lupin Lad: You haven't checked my pocket yet though….

Everyone turns to Lupin Lad

Everyone: WHAT?!

Lupin Lad: My pocket…. You haven't checked…..

Super Snape: Yes, we heard that. What do you mean 'we haven't checked your pocket'? Why would we need to check your pocket??

Lupin Lad: It's the only English landmark we haven't checked yet…

Brain Queen: (slaps her forehead) Oh my god…

Malfoy Boy: (curls his hands into fists) Are you saying….

Harry: … that the tea….

Super Snape: …. Is in your bloody pocket?!

Lupin Lad: Could be! Let me check…. (rummages in his pocket) Well I'll be…. Here's some tea!

The air fills with audible seething.

Lupin Lad skips off, shouting over his shoulder: Let's go find a tea pot, gang! I'm parched!

Super Snape: Five years we've been looking…

Malfoy Boy: On the plus side though… we've been to lots of cool places!

Weasel Kid: That's true! I've got a wicked fridge magnet collection now!

Brain Queen: And look at all these pencils I've got with place names on them!

Malfoy Boy: And all these shot glasses!

Super Snape is silent and glares at them all for a long time.

Super Snape: I'm going home….

BACK AT HOGWARTS…

Admiral Important: So the tea was in his pocket all along?

Super Snape: Yes, it….

Lupin Lad: Indeed it was, Admiral. (sips some tea and grins at Super Snape)

Admiral Important: What a hoot!

Super Snape: What?!

Admiral Important chuckles.

Suddenly the door bursts open and Malfoy Boy is there, panicked.

Malfoy Boy: My shot glass collection!! Its missing!!

Lupin Lad: Oh my god!! (sips some tea)

Super Snape: Have you checked Lupin Lads pockets?

Lupin Lad: Why would they…. (checks pocket) Oh…. Haha…. Here they are!

Malfoy Boy grabs the shot glasses from Lupin Lad.

Malfoy Boy: What the hell?!

Lupin Lad: Don't ask me! I don't know how they got there! Things just turn up in there! Once I found a clown…

Malfoy Boy's eyes widen.

Suddenly Admiral Important receives a text message. He checks it and suddenly looks solemn.

Super Snape: Whats wrong Admiral?

What was in the text message that Admiral Important received? And since when have people at Hogwarts had mobile phones? Wouldn't the magic affect the signal??

Find out in the next installment of :

SUPER SNAPE and MALFOY BOY.


End file.
